IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is neither possible nor useful for a country to provide places for a high propertion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Health is Wealth for humans.
Exsercise
Correct your spelling
Exercise
 plays a crucial role in our daily lifestyle. It helps us to become fit and healthy
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 if a
TV
Use synonyms
 shows some kind of
sport
Use synonyms
 that should be good for
human
Add an article
a human
the human
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 being.
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 fact or statement. First of all,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly agree with
Add an article
the
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statement that
television
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 programs are good for our society . It inspires us to become healthy and punctual. It teaches us to do those activities for a better future. example, most of the time
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 see the interest of children during childhood age, they set their dreams for the future and start working on them. The important thing is that they focus on their goals. If they choose their goal as we want from
television
Use synonyms
, that should be good.
Secondly
Linking Words
 , it's a good source of spending our free time. Nowadays, children enhance their interest towards other activities like using mobile phones and playing indoor games , which may show bad behaviour and consequences in future.
However
Linking Words
,
TV
Use synonyms
set
Correct word choice
apply
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Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 shows encourage them to go outside and try some outdoor activities like running, and jumping. It helps for the growth of children and as well for adults.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
television
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 shows should be limited.
Use synonyms
TV
Add an article
The TV
A TV
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 set is used for other things like telecasting news about the whole world, for music ,and for entertainment. If for the whole day,
sport
Use synonyms
 will be telecasting, it can be boring. People have an interest in watching athletics but
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 have their mood. It should be telecasted but at a limit. In conclusion,
television
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 sports shows should be telecasted on
TV
Use synonyms
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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 as mentioned but with a limit, No one is going to watch
Use synonyms
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
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 on
TV
Use synonyms
set
Fix the agreement mistake
sets
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 hourly, they have other things
also
Linking Words
 to do.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on developing more clear and logical progression of ideas. Each paragraph should support your thesis and have clear topic sentences.
task achievement
Expand your points with more detailed examples and explanations. This will help strengthen your argument and provide clearer insight into your ideas.
language use
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and proper use of vocabulary. Small errors can distract from your main points.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear stance on the topic, which is a good start for task achievement.
coherence and cohesion
You have made an effort to organize your thoughts into paragraphs, which aids reader understanding.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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