IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that money one of the most essential factors in promoting hapiness. Do you think people can be happy without much money? What other factors contribute towards hapiness? Zhazira

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Certain
people
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 opine that the key factor for our satisfaction is
money
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. I agree with the view that
people
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 can cheerfully live with less
money
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,
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apply
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 and some aspects can lead to
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
. I believe that with some
money
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,
people
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 can have their best lives
,
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apply
show examples
 because the work they do and the family with whom they live are valuable factors and can provide satisfaction in their lives.
For example
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, in many countries,
people
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 live joyfully with low and middle salaries. The reason is that it is essential for them to be
together with
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 their family and have strong health.
Additionally
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, they prioritize meaningful relationships and a balanced lifestyle over material wealth, finding
fulfillment
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fulfilment
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 in shared experiences, good health, and a supportive community. In my opinion, one of the chief aspects that lead to
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
 is family, since they give us motivation and support. Without family, we feel unsettled and anxious because we are used to having fun and living together.
Therefore
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, they are some of the closest
people
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 who bring happiness and smiles to our faces.
For instance
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, some young
people
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, after graduating
are
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apply
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, move to another country to study.
For
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this
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 reason, they have to separate from their family and live without them. It is a pity for both sides to take leave.
To sum up
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,
while
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money
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 plays a role in securing basic needs,
people
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 can experience happiness when they are surrounded by the well-being of their loved ones and their job brings them joy, even if it offers a lower income.

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task achievement
Ensure that your main ideas are clearly supported with specific examples, and try to elaborate more on how these examples relate to happiness without money.
coherence and cohesion
Consider providing clearer connections between your ideas, such as how the relationship between family, health, and happiness evolves throughout your essay.
task achievement
Good introduction that clearly outlines your position on the topic and sets the stage for the essay.
task achievement
Your use of examples from different contexts, such as the mention of low and middle salaries in various countries, enriches your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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