Too much emphasis is given for the education of students. More government money should be spent on free time activities for young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is a contentious issue whether the public education budget is spent well or not. Some think the government should prioritize knowledge.
In contrast
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, some believe that they neglect things
such
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as leisure
activities
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. In
this
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essay, I will explain why I strongly opt for focusing on education.
To begin
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with, nowadays, we still do not invest
a
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sufficient money in schools. Not only children
,
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but
also
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adults keep complaining about the current system.
For instance
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, young people are overwhelmed with the amount of courses.
Consequently
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, the percentage of depressed youngsters increases year by year. If politics would use their resources to restructure the system, society would benefit from it more than from any other investment.
Furthermore
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, if the situation remains unchanged, children will have no
time
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for free
time
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activities
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, as it is now.
Secondly
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, we have to pay more attention to the modern needs of students.
For instance
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, how to work in the AI environment where innovation is substantial. Technology should be taught in institutions because
as a consequence
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kids will be significantly better prepared for the future.
Instead
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of taking
time
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and effort to create additional
activities
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for the youngest, we should spend it on developing
the
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a
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system that will meet future needs.
To conclude
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, people argue whether public institutions highlight too much the educational purpose of schools.
However
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, I believe it is the right direction. Because we live in
the
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a
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constantly changing world, we should spend more on improving education. Free
time
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activities
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are not the job of the government.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and enhance your credibility.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clear transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
In your introduction, clearly state your position in the thesis statement for better clarity.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic, demonstrating a solid understanding of the issue.
task achievement
You provide relevant points regarding the importance of education, which shows critical thinking and awareness of the topic.
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