IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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There is an ongoing debate in some nations about whether
the
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a
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 large
amount
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 of
money
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 should be spent on building new
railway
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 lines, or whether we should just enhance the old
railways
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 for transportation between cities. On the one hand, saving a vast
amount
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 of
money
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 is one of the considerable reasons that the
money
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 should be spent on ameliorating old
railway
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 lines.Constructors need to dig ground for
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railway
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the railway
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 path.If
This
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 process does not come with an
aqeurate
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adequate
 plan, we will have some detrimental effects on
environment
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the environment
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 and other buildings, which take time and a large
amount
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 of
money
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 to create.
However
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, these works have been done for the old
railway
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 paths.
Therefore
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alll
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all
 we need to do is replace the old parts with the new ones that suit the fast train the most.
On the other hand
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,one of the prime reasons that represent the essential factor of constructing new
railways
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 is the growth of population in cities.Most of the cities are expanding day by day
due to
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 the growth of the number of their residents.In the near future old
railways
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 will not afford all citizen's needs for
transporting
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transport
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.So the crowd have to use some other ways of transport to reach their destination.
However
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, by
construction
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constructing
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 fast train
railways
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 and attaching all parts of the city together,people can reach their destination with less time and
money
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.Because residents don't need another alternative to get where they want anymore and all they need is a train.
While
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 some people argue new
railways
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 are the best option for
transport
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the transport
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 system, even if they need a lot of
money
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, others believe that enhancing old
railway
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line
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lines
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 is the only thing we need.In my perspective despite the huge
amount
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 of
money
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 we need for constructing new
railways
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,we can come up with a better plan which comprises a bigger proportion of people's needs for transport.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to provide clearer transitions between your ideas to enhance the logical flow of your essay. For example, use phrases like 'Furthermore' or 'In addition' to connect points more effectively.
task achievement
Make sure to include a clear thesis statement in your introduction to explicitly present your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Support your arguments with specific examples or data where possible, as this will strengthen the credibility of your points.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with grammatical errors and word choices. Phrases like 'detrimental effects on environment' should be 'detrimental effects on the environment' for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion by addressing both sides of the argument, which is commendable and important in IELTS essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your opinion, providing closure to your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • infrastructure
  • efficient
  • congestion
  • sustainable
  • environmentally friendly
  • connectivity
  • economic growth
  • public transportation
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