IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide best care for children, while others think family members like grandparents can do it better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is increasingly common for parents to drop their little ones at
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 because of hectic
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
. Many individuals believe that it is better if
child
Add an article
the child
a child
show examples
 is nourished by their own family
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 think that these
centres
Use synonyms
 have more knowledge .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both merits and demerits of having
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 at
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 nurseries.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are various reasons why parents want to leave
children
Use synonyms
early
Change preposition
in early
show examples
 learning
centres
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they believe that instructors have high
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 of education which will benefit little ones to develop holistically .
In other words
Linking Words
, they are professional and have
a information
Remove the article
information
a piece of information
show examples
 about how to handle them with
care
Use synonyms
 in some awkward situations. They are feeding
children
Use synonyms
 with all the nutrients and minerals required at
this
Linking Words
 age to grow faster.
For example
Linking Words
: In Canada , most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
newborn
Fix the agreement mistake
newborns
show examples
likely
Add a missing verb
are likely
show examples
 to develop faster in
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
centres
Use synonyms
 as compared to
children
Use synonyms
 at home.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some support
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 notion that infants can have better
care
Use synonyms
 at home. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 that environment is relaxing and less noisy .
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
care
Use synonyms
 and nourishment
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 provided by grandparents who may have better
experinces
Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
 than those trainers at
Correct article usage
the institurte
show examples
institurte
Correct your spelling
institute
. Because personal experiences are always better than bookish knowledge . They are
habtual
Correct your spelling
habitual
 of
this
Linking Words
 process that how to take
care
Use synonyms
 of
children
Use synonyms
 with effective techniques like telling stories.
Linking Words
Similarily
Correct your spelling
Similarly
show examples
, belonging to
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 family and blood will
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to
have
Change the verb form
having
show examples
 more love and affection as compared to strangers. In conclusion, both measures are effective depending on personal circumstances as
Use synonyms
day
Correct your spelling
daycare
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 people have
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of knowledge which will help
children
Use synonyms
 for
overall
Linking Words
 development , but gentle
care
Use synonyms
 and affection
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of grandparents. Ultimately, it is a personal
preferences
Change the noun form
preference
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider refining the thesis statement to clearly outline the main arguments you will discuss in the essay. This will help set expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument of the essay. This will enhance the logical structure and flow of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases to enhance the overall engagement of your writing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points effectively. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents two clear viewpoints on the topic, showing an understanding of the different perspectives regarding childcare.
task achievement
Your attempt to discuss both sides of the argument is commendable, as it showcases your ability to think critically about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points, indicating a structured approach to the topic.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: