IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some working parents believe childcare centers can provide best care for children, while others think family members like grandparents can do it better. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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It is increasingly common for parents to drop their little ones at
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day
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daycare
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care
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centres
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 because of hectic
schedule
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schedules
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. Many individuals believe that it is better if
child
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the child
a child
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 is nourished by their own family
member
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members
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,
while
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other
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others
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 think that these
centres
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 have more knowledge .
This
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 essay will discuss both merits and demerits of having
offsprings
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offspring
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 at
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day
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daycare
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care
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 nurseries.
To begin
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 with, there are various reasons why parents want to leave
children
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early
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in early
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 learning
centres
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.
Firstly
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, they believe that instructors have high
qualification
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qualifications
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 of education which will benefit little ones to develop holistically .
In other words
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, they are professional and have
a information
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information
a piece of information
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 about how to handle them with
care
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 in some awkward situations. They are feeding
children
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 with all the nutrients and minerals required at
this
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 age to grow faster.
For example
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: In Canada , most
of
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apply
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newborn
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newborns
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likely
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are likely
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 to develop faster in
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day
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daycare
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care
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centres
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 as compared to
children
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 at home.
On the other hand
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, some support
with
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apply
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this
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the
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 notion that infants can have better
care
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 at home. Because
,
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apply
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 that environment is relaxing and less noisy .
Moreover
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, the
care
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 and nourishment
is
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are
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 provided by grandparents who may have better
experinces
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experiences
experience
 than those trainers at
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the institurte
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institurte
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institute
. Because personal experiences are always better than bookish knowledge . They are
habtual
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habitual
 of
this
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 process that how to take
care
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 of
children
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 with effective techniques like telling stories.
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Similarily
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Similarly
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, belonging to
same
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the same
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 family and blood will
leads
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lead
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 to
have
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having
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 more love and affection as compared to strangers. In conclusion, both measures are effective depending on personal circumstances as
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day
Correct your spelling
daycare
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care
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 people have
lot
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a lot
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 of knowledge which will help
children
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 for
overall
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 development , but gentle
care
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 and affection
is
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are
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 more in
case
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the case
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 of grandparents. Ultimately, it is a personal
preferences
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preference
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.

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task achievement
Consider refining the thesis statement to clearly outline the main arguments you will discuss in the essay. This will help set expectations for the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to the main argument of the essay. This will enhance the logical structure and flow of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Vary your sentence structures and avoid repetitive phrases to enhance the overall engagement of your writing.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or evidence to support your points effectively. This will strengthen your arguments and provide clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents two clear viewpoints on the topic, showing an understanding of the different perspectives regarding childcare.
task achievement
Your attempt to discuss both sides of the argument is commendable, as it showcases your ability to think critically about the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points, indicating a structured approach to the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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