Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would have limit effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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It is no exaggeration to say that

majority

Correct article usage

the majority

show examples

people

Use synonyms

are saying ample

Change preposition

apply

show examples

sports

Use synonyms

facilities are better way to enhance public

health

Use synonyms

while

Linking Words

others say

except

Change preposition

besides

show examples

sports

Use synonyms

other measures are good as

sports

Use synonyms

will have less

impacts

Fix the agreement mistake

impact

show examples

. I am going to discuss both views in upcoming paragraphs and will give my own opinion as well. To

embark

Verb problem

begin

show examples

with, as per

thinking

Correct article usage

the thinking

show examples

of some

folks

Add a comma

folks,

show examples

many

sports

Use synonyms

have great impacts on public

health

Use synonyms

. To explain, in

this

Linking Words

modern era

people

Use synonyms

are usually working five days

Change preposition

apply

show examples

a week

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

they are unable to do

do face to face

Correct your spelling

face-to-face

show examples

interactions with their friends. By playing

sports

Use synonyms

they can spend plenty of

time

Use synonyms

with friends.

Moreover

Linking Words

, if parents

will

Verb problem

apply

show examples

spend their

time

Use synonyms

to play

Change the verb form

playing

show examples

sports

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

outside it will

also

Linking Words

put

Verb problem

have

show examples

better

Add an article

a better

the better

show examples

impact on their kids. To elaborate, nowadays children spend plenty of

time

Use synonyms

in front computer

while

Linking Words

playing video

games

Use synonyms

and so on which has not only many side effects but

also

Linking Words

health

Use synonyms

issues

such

Linking Words

as obesity, poor eyesight and many more.

For example

Linking Words

, a survey

was

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

conductued

Correct your spelling

conducted

in China

2019

Change preposition

in 2019

show examples

has

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

showed in one city of China kids who had more interest in

sports

Use synonyms

are

Wrong verb form

were

show examples

more active and healthy

opposed

Correct word choice

as opposed

show examples

to others.

However

Linking Words

, others

considered

Wrong verb form

consider

show examples

that there are many other measures

are

Correct pronoun usage

that are

show examples

helpful for public

health

Use synonyms

. First and formest, many

people

Use synonyms

have

busy

Add an article

a busy

show examples

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

during their day

time

Use synonyms

so they do not prefer to talk with anyone after

finish

Replace the word

finishing

show examples

working hours. To explain,

those kind

Change the determiner

that kind

those kinds

show examples

of folks prefer to go to

gym

Add an article

the gym

show examples

and for yoga classes to keep their mind calm and fresh because during their day

Use synonyms

time

Add a comma

time,

show examples

they feel

load

Add an article

the load

a load

show examples

of work.

For example

Linking Words

, a survey showed,

Correct word choice

that 80

show examples

% of American

people

Use synonyms

do night shifts and have no

time

Use synonyms

to play

sports

Use synonyms

in the morning so they do yoga

while

Linking Words

taking online classes at home

Linking Words

also

Correct word choice

and also

show examples

feel

more calm

Replace the words

calmer

show examples

. In my opinion,

people

Use synonyms

should go for

sports

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

their kids will

also

Linking Words

get

motivate

Change the verb form

motivated

show examples

regarding their national

games

Use synonyms

and they can get

chance

Correct article usage

a chance

show examples

to explore out of

country

Add an article

the country

show examples

as well. In conclusion,

sports

Use synonyms

games

Use synonyms

have both positive and

nagitive

Correct your spelling

negative

impacts as

Change the capitalization

show examples

mentioned above but

according to

Linking Words

Add a comma

me,

show examples

these have

Change the word

apply

show examples

better effects as

compare

Change the form of the verb

compared

show examples

to other public facilities.

kaurgaganpreet364Fri Mar 14 2025

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Coherence and Cohesion

Use a clearer introduction outlining both views and your opinion. Consider rephrasing your opening sentence for clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all supporting sentences relate to that idea. Consider summarizing each view more distinctly.

Task Achievement

Clarify your examples to ensure they directly support the argument you are making. Check grammar and spelling to improve clarity.

Task Achievement

Strengthen your conclusion by summarizing your main points more clearly and concisely.

Task Achievement

You provided a variety of perspectives regarding public health and sports, which shows an understanding of the topic.

Task Achievement

Your essay includes relevant examples that help illustrate your points, showing an attempt to support your arguments with evidence.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
5
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
39
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

373 words

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Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sport facilities. Other, however, say that this would have limit effect on public health and that other measure are required. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

The best way to improve health is to exercise daily. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems as well as practical problems. Do you agree or disagree with this idea?

Over recent years, mobile phones have become an indispensable tool in our daily lives. However, there are several problems such as social and medical which must not be ignored. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones.

In some countries, more and more people are becoming interested in finding out about the history of the house or building they live in. What are the reasons for this? How can people research this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays,many people choose to be self-employed,rather than to work for a company or organisation.why might this be the case?what could be the disadvantage of being self-employed?