The availability of entertainment such as playing electronic games on portable devices will be harmful to individuals in the society they live in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
some time to your phone by playing games. we can give our kids some time to
playing
Wrong verb form
play
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games
in
Change preposition
on
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their phones, for
examle
Correct your spelling
example
we can
aask
Correct your spelling
ask
them to spend more time
outdoor
Change preposition
in outdoor
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activities. if you
will
Verb problem
apply
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attend outdoor activities
i
Change the capitalization
I
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will give you some
awaed
Correct your spelling
award
so
then
Linking Words
they will
defenity
Correct your spelling
definitely
attend the activities.
asllchkied
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task achievement
Your essay presents your viewpoint, but it lacks clarity in expressing the main argument. Ensure that your thesis statement clearly indicates your stance on the impact of electronic games. Consider outlining the reasons for your agreement or disagreement in the introduction.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance cohesion, use clear linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. For example, phrases like 'on one hand,' 'however,' and 'in addition' can help guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Try to provide more comprehensive support for your ideas. While you mention giving kids some time for outdoor activities, elaborating on why balancing screen time with physical activity is essential would strengthen your argument overall.
content
Your essay touches upon relevant points about the impact of electronic games and mentions outdoor activities, which is an important aspect of the discussion.
Include an introduction and conclusion
A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.
The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.
The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:
Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation
Example:
To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported.After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.
Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:
The debate over whether girls and boys should be taught in separate or common buildings is ongoing. Some argue that there should be some kind of differentiation, while others believe it is better for children to learn together from a young age. This essay will discuss both arguments and present my personal view at the end.
Thanks for seeing Mr Wilson, a 64-year-old male, who was admitted with decreased level of consciousness after suicidal attempt with sertraline and alcohol. Now he is ready to discharge. I refer him to you for close and urgent follow up and ongoing management of his depression and very important consequences.
In recent years, continuous progress made possible the invention of technologies that we could not even imagine a decade ago, like virtual reality. It represents a very young discovery, so it can be difficult to expose all the possible arguments about that, although this essay will cover my personal opinion in regard.
It is argued that employees should be given at least one month of holiday on a yearly basis in order to encourage them to work more effectively. In my opinion, I totally disagree with this view on account of some reasons below.
In recent years, the operation of big corporations is ubiquitous in developing nations. The essay will first suggest that economic growth is the prime benefit, while the excessive use of emergent nations’ natural resources is the main drawback.