IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Saving some cash is essential for the
future
Use synonyms
, especially for youngsters. I believe saving
money
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 is significant for unexpected events
such
Linking Words
 as medical treatment, job loss and other factors.
Firstly
Linking Words
, many unexpected things happen in human
life
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, the biggest issue is health problems. In
young
Correct pronoun usage
our young
show examples
life
Use synonyms
, we don’t know when we will be diagnosed with some health diseases or cancer so saving cash is very important for our
future
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, and we can spend it on treatment and other costs
such
Linking Words
 as hospital fees.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people may be employed now, but it is possible that you will lose your job in the
future
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, so it is an effective idea to save
money
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 to protect yourself from that risk.
Secondly
Linking Words
, saving cash has so many benefits for our
future
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 plans and it will be helpful for buying our own requirements. A number of young couples
struggle
Wrong verb form
have struggled
show examples
 to buy apartments recently because they don’t have bank deposits or any savings.
For example
Linking Words
, people with jobs would save
money
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 from their salary and sooner it is useful to satisfy their desires.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, financial planning is not only for health and desires, it will be helpful to education and career. Most universities will
cost
Verb problem
be
show examples
 more expensive than expected so financial limits have to be more sufficient. In conclusion, having sufficient
money
Use synonyms
 encourages all aspects of
life
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 and it is more vital for adult
life
Use synonyms
.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in the introduction to clarify your position on saving money.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that directly relates to the main topic.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your points with more depth and details to strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use more linking words and phrases between sentences and paragraphs to enhance flow and coherence.
Task Achievement
You introduced relevant points regarding unexpected events and the importance of savings, which are compelling arguments.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, like job loss and health expenses, supports your argument well.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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