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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph shows changes in the proportion of Internet users in three different countries from 1999 to 2009. Assel.

The graph shows changes in the proportion of Internet users in three different countries from 1999 to 2009. Assel.
The line graph illustrates the percentage of the population using the
Internet
Use synonyms
 in the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Canada
Use synonyms
, and
Mexico
Use synonyms
 from 1999 to 2009.
It is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Internet
Use synonyms
 usage increased in all three countries over the period.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 experienced a significant rise,
Canada
Use synonyms
 had the highest percentage of users by the end of the period.
Mexico
Use synonyms
 had
lowest
Change the article
the lowest
show examples
 proportion of
Internet
Use synonyms
 users throughout. In 1999,
Internet
Use synonyms
 usage increased
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
USA
Use synonyms
 was the highest, at around exactly a quarter, followed closely by
Canada
Use synonyms
 at approximately 10%. By 2005, both
Canada
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 had over 60% of their population using the
Use synonyms
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
Mexico
Use synonyms
 lagged behind at just above 25%. By 2009,
internet
Use synonyms
 usage in
Canada
Use synonyms
 reached nearly 100%, making it the leading country among the three. The
USA
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 saw a steady increase, reaching around 80%,
while
Linking Words
Mexico
Use synonyms
 continued to grow but remained significantly lower at roughly 40%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words internet, usa, canada, mexico with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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