Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving a car or motor-bike. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Undoubtedly, with the
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
of private vehicles
soar
Wrong verb form
soaring
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on the roads, more and more
car
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accidents
has
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have
show examples
been happening nowadays.
Whereas
Linking Words
some people look upon increasing the
lowest
Correct word choice
apply
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age
Use synonyms
for drivers as the primary solution, others refer it to
something
Change preposition
as something
show examples
unnecessary, as for my perspective, I am in favour of
latter
Correct article usage
the latter
show examples
, and the reasons will be thoroughly elaborated on as follows. Many nations' legal
age
Use synonyms
for
Add an article
an adult
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
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is 18 years old,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
means authorities and scientists admit above
of 18-year-old
Correct your spelling
18 years
, individuals have
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
ability to handle
everythings
Correct your spelling
everything
by themselves
include
Wrong verb form
including
show examples
steering. To be more specific,
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
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up
the
Change preposition
at the
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minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
age
Use synonyms
for steering a
car
Use synonyms
or motorcycle might not have
huge
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a huge
show examples
positive impact
to enhance
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on enhancing
show examples
the safety on
road
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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,
compare
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compared
show examples
to the
Unites
Correct your spelling
United
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States and
Tainwan
Correct your spelling
Taiwan
, the former rules citizens should
at
Add a missing verb
be at
show examples
least 20 years old to drive
vihecles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
, and the latter prescribes 18 years old;
however
Linking Words
, the rate of
road
Use synonyms
incidents
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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not have
Correct article usage
an obviously
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obviously
Change the word
obvious
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gap
Correct article usage
a gap
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
, younger
are
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is
show examples
not the vital factor
lead
Replace the word
leading
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to
car
Use synonyms
accidents.
That is
Linking Words
, there is no reason to support increases
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
lowest
age
Use synonyms
for driving on the
road
Use synonyms
.
According to
Linking Words
the report from
Military
Correct article usage
the Military
show examples
of Transport in Taiwan,
Correct article usage
the lost
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lost
Replace the word
loss
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of concentration and drunk
drive
Replace the word
driving
show examples
occupied
Verb problem
were
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the most
reason
Correct word choice
common reason
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
car
Use synonyms
accidents in 2021,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which that
show examples
illustrates there is no relative about drivers'
age
Use synonyms
and safety on
Use synonyms
road
Correct article usage
the road
show examples
. In conclusion,
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
the minimum
age
Use synonyms
for
useing
Correct your spelling
using
a
vihecle
Correct your spelling
vehicle
or scooter is not the best method to improve
road
Use synonyms
safety because young people are not the biggest cause of
car
Use synonyms
accident
Fix the agreement mistake
accidents
show examples
and it would not bring a lot of good
effect
Change to a plural noun
effects
show examples
.

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Task Achievement
Revise sentence structures for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For example, phrases like 'the amount of private vehicles soar on the roads' should be corrected to 'the number of private vehicles has soared on the roads'.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the organization of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that relates to your thesis statement and that every point made is directly supporting your argument.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific details and examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, rather than stating 'the rate of road incidents do not have obviously gap', specify actual statistics or findings to support your claims.
Task Achievement
You present a clear position on the issue, stating that you disagree with increasing the minimum driving age.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow of ideas, attempting to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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