Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much influence on our personality and development than any experience we have in our life. Which do you consider to be the major influence.

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Study states that
individual’s
Correct article usage
an individual’s

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nature
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natural

The word nature doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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characteristics are far more influential than experience
can
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and can

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shape
peoples’
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people’s

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trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits

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and development in their later
life
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lives

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.
However
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, I believe that people’s personalities are more likely to be influenced by their
experience
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experiences

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and their parent’s parenting. The primary reason why inborn characteristics can be affected by education and work experience. School is one of the places
on shaping
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to shape

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their inner traits
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as some individuals are selfish and uncooperative,
however
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
school
Add an article
the school

The noun phrase school seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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contains a variety of group work which aims students
can
Verb problem
apply

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learn how to cooperate with others.
Moreover
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,
workplace
Add an article
the workplace

The noun phrase workplace seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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also
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influence
Change the verb form
influences

The plural verb influence does not appear to agree with the singular subject workplace. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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people to behave
such
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as people who are
waitress
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waitresses

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and they need to treat customers politely.
As they
Correct word choice
They

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understand that they need to suppress their real emotions,
otherwise
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, they will be fired by their employer.
In addition
Linking Words

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, parenting styles are one of the reasons
influence
Correct pronoun usage
that influence

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their
nature
Replace the word
natural

The word nature doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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characteristic.
This
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is because people are being taught by their parents to be polite, especially children
are
Correct pronoun usage
who are

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upbring
Correct your spelling
born

If you don’t want upbring to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

with
controlled
Correct article usage
a controlled

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father and mother. If their children’s
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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upsets their parents,
then
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

they will get punishment
from
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by

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their caretakers.
Therefore
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, under
this
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circumstance
Add a comma
circumstance,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase under this circumstance. Consider adding a comma.

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children learn to be obedient in order to reduce punishment.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some children are born with aggressive traits,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, their aggressive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour

The spelling of behavior is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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will decline if they are
teaching
Wrong verb form
taught

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb teaching. Consider changing it.

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with
high pressured
Replace the word
a high-pressure

The word high pressured doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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atmosphere. In conclusion, innate characteristics are not the major factor
to influence
Change the verb form
influencing

To influence doesn’t seem to work here.

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their personalities, learning in school and
workplace
Correct article usage
the workplace

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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, and parenting styles are the major
factor
Fix the agreement mistake
factors

It seems that factor may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, but developing your ideas with more depth and clarity could enhance your response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that there is a logical connection between them to improve overall coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points, as this will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
You have effectively expressed a clear viewpoint regarding the influence of experience over innate characteristics, which is commendable.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which is a good practice for coherence.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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