Research indicates that the characteristics we are born with have much influence on our personality and development than any experiences we have in our life.

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The study
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states that an individual’s natural characteristics are far more influential than experience
can
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and can
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shape people’s traits and development in their later lives.
However
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, I believe that people’s personalities are more likely to be influenced by their experiences and their parent’s parenting. The primary reason why inborn characteristics can be affected by education and work experience. School is one of the places to shape their inner traits
such
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as some individuals are selfish and uncooperative,
however
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, the school contains a variety of group work which aims students
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to
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learn how to cooperate with others.
Moreover
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, the workplace
also
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influences people to behave
such
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as people who are waitresses and they need to treat customers politely. They understand that they need to suppress their real emotions,
otherwise
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, they will be fired by their employer.
In addition
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, parenting styles are one of the reasons that influence their natural characteristic.
This
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is because people are being taught by their parents to be polite, especially children who are born with a controlled father and mother. If their children’s behaviour upsets their parents,
then
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they will get
punishment
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punished
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by their caretakers.
Therefore
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, under
this
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circumstance, children learn to be obedient in order to reduce punishment.
For example
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, some children are born with aggressive traits,
however
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, their aggressive behaviour will decline if they are taught
with
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in
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a high-pressure atmosphere. In conclusion, innate characteristics are not the major factor influencing their personalities, learning in school and the workplace, and parenting styles are the major factors.

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task achievement
While your ideas are clear, some points could be better supported with more depth and explanation. Expand on your arguments by providing more examples or elaborating on how specific experiences influence personality.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows logically to the next by using linking phrases and maintaining a strong theme throughout. Additionally, you might want to clarify your main points to strengthen your overall coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position, but it could be more engaging. Consider starting with a hook to capture the reader's interest. Make sure your conclusion effectively summarizes the arguments made in the essay.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the influence of experiences and parenting on personality, which is a strong position to take in this discussion.
task achievement
You have successfully attempted to address different factors that influence personality development, which enriches your essay and shows your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • nature vs. nurture debate
  • genetic inheritance
  • personality traits
  • behavior patterns
  • heritability
  • twins studies
  • malleable characteristics
  • upbringing
  • environmental influences
  • critical periods
  • language acquisition
  • worldview
  • innate traits
  • personal experiences
  • psychological development
  • epigenetics
  • adaptive behaviors
  • cultural imprinting
  • temperament
  • social conditioning
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