IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

New parents should attend a parenting course to gain better knowledge on how to raise their children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Many people say that new
parents
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 should attend parenting classes to learn how to raise their
children
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 correctly. In
this
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 essay, we elaborate on why
parents
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 should enrol in
such
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courses
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 to have a better understanding of off-springs needs. Some new
parents
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 are not familiar with
children
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 for numerous reasons. Some of them, when they were young, were not thoughtfully raised by their
parents
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 did not raise them thoughtfully,
as a result
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, they struggled with their lives for many years, so many of them decided to apply for
this
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 type of course.
Furthermore
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, some wait until they get pregnant, and some start attending these
courses
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 in advance to learn how to communicate with their future
children
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.
Therefore
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, those who attend these classes find it easier to communicate with and raise their
children
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 more than
parents
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 who do not, because many nowadays struggle to raise their
children
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 correctly with the number of people surrounding them.
Additionally
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, many cannot go to in-person
courses
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;
however
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,
this
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 is not an issue. In fact, many platforms allow applicants to attend these
courses
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 online, which allows them to access their accounts whenever they like to watch the teaching videos, as many find it hard to attend the clinic on specific days.
For instance
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, as a legal assistant, I have experienced many complex cases between newly married couples.
For example
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, two
parents
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 came to our law firm concerned about their relationship with their new toddler because, unfortunately, they have decided to divorce;
thus
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,
this
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 will most likely affect their relationship with their newborn baby. In conclusion, we encouraged
parents
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 to register for
this
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 type of parenting course to make it easier for both parties after splitting up, especially for the child who will be living far from both
parents
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.

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task achievement
The introduction states the topic but could be clearer in presenting your stance. Make sure to explicitly state your opinion on whether you agree or disagree with the statement.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are a bit convoluted and could be simplified for clarity. Aim for more straightforward sentence structures to enhance readability.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples with a clearer connection to your argument. The example from your experience could have been explained in more detail to illustrate the importance of parenting classes.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure a strong conclusion that summarizes your main points and reinforces your opinion on the necessity of parenting courses.
content
The essay tackles the topic well, discussing the need for parenting classes and providing personal insight through your experience.
content
You touch on modern solutions such as online courses, which adds relevance to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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