IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

These days’ children are surrounded by electronic devices such as personal computers, tablet computers, and smart phones, and they learn to use them at a very early age. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this situation?

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electronic devices
such
Linking Words
 as phones, tablets,and computers
became
Wrong verb form
have become
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 essential in our daily
activits
Correct your spelling
activities
espacially
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especially
 with teenagers.
While
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 giving them these electronics could be
benefitial
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beneficial
 for their
cocnative
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cognitive
 ability, it could destroy their physical
apperance
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appearance
. In
this
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Add a comma
easy,
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easy
Correct your spelling
essay
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 I will discuss the negative and the
positive
Fix the agreement mistake
positives
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 of
this
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 and from my
view
Add a comma
view,
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i
Change the capitalization
I
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 totally agree with not giving young people smart devices
in
Change preposition
at
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 a young age.
learing
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Learning
 has
became
Change the verb form
become
show examples
 much easier than before for
teenageers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
. In other
wrods
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words
, some children could learn a different language just by
waching
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watching
 some videos
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 any
soical
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social
 media platform
such
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 as
youtube
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YouTube
show examples
. In
addtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, it is been noticed that the new generation
became
Wrong verb form
has become
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 smarter than the previous generations.
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for
Capitalize word
For
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 instance, China
start
Wrong verb form
has started
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 to
applying
Wrong verb form
apply
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 a new way of teaching,which is
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
smart tablets. they noticed that the graphics and the colours
in
Change preposition
on
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 the tablets improved the focus
in
Change preposition
of
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 children.
young
Capitalize word
Young
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 children start to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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smart
divices
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devices
device
addictes
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addicts
addicted
. they spend almost all their day staring at the
smart phone
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smartphone
show examples
 or the laptop.
this
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 phenomenon
reduce
Change the verb form
reduces
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical activity and
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
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 health issues
to
Change preposition
for
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers
such
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 as diabetes, hypertension, and other health problems.
Moreover
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, social skills
gets
Verb problem
apply
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improve
in
Change preposition
at
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young
Correct article usage
a young
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 age and
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology, there is no
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 interaction anymore. In my opinion, we should not give them any
thecnology
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technology
 from
young
Add an article
a young
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 age. In conclusion, despite the
neomerous
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numerous
amout
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amount
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages
with
Change preposition
of
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 giving them a new
tecnology
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technology
, it would destroy their physical health and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
could cause
pleny
Correct your spelling
plenty
 of diseases in the future.

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content
Make sure your introduction clearly outlines your main arguments. A more polished introduction can help guide the reader.
language
Check for spelling and grammatical errors as these can distract from your ideas. For example, 'beneficial' and 'cognitive' are misspelled.
content
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples; some points need more thorough development.
coherence
Dividing some of your sentences into shorter, clearer sentences can enhance readability.
content
You used relevant examples to illustrate the advantages of technology in education, which is a strong point of your essay.
content
You clearly expressed your opinion in the conclusion, which is important for task achievement.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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