IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people think art such as sculpture and music cannot improve the quality of people’s lives so the government should not spend money on them but on health and defence. What is your opinion?

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Some
people
Use synonyms
 think art
such
Linking Words
sculpture
Change preposition
as sculpture
show examples
 and
music
Use synonyms
 cannot improve the quality of
people
Use synonyms
's lives so the government should not spend
money
Use synonyms
 on them,
such
Linking Words
 thinking is not necessarily accurate. We have seen examples of monuments that
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become
identity
Add an article
the identity
an identity
show examples
 of the cities
those
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 are in and they have created massive economic activity around
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Let's take the Eiffel Tower
for example
Linking Words
, it has become
identity
Add an article
the identity
an identity
show examples
 of Paris, every year it attracts millions of
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 from across the world who spend and contribute Billions of
Euro
Fix the agreement mistake
euros
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the economy of France and Paris
in particular
Linking Words
.
Such
Linking Words
 economic activities allow governments to reinvest that
money
Use synonyms
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 infrastructure, healthcare and education
sector
Fix the agreement mistake
sectors
show examples
 of the country, which
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
show examples
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 upliftment of
people
Use synonyms
's lives.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to improve productivity, improve focus and relief from daily life stress. 
Music
Use synonyms
 has
also
Linking Words
 presented
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
 for
indenpendent
Correct your spelling
independent
 artists to create their own content and generate
monitory
Correct your spelling
monetary
show examples
 benefits from it so that can live a dignified life.
While
Linking Words
 government should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on health and
defense
Change the spelling
defence
show examples
, spending
reasonable
Add an article
a reasonable
show examples
 portion of
money
Use synonyms
 on art
such
Linking Words
 as sculpture and
music
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 helps improve
quality
Correct article usage
the quality
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
's lives.

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task achievement
The introduction could benefit from a clearer thesis statement that directly summarizes your opinion on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Consider dividing your points into clearer paragraphs, each focused on a single idea, to improve logical flow.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that grammatical errors are minimized; for instance, 'has become' should be 'have become' and 'indenpendent' should be 'independent'.
task achievement
Make sure to have a concluding statement that reinforces your opinion and summarizes the benefits of investing in art.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the Eiffel Tower, to support your argument, which adds depth to your essay.
task achievement
You effectively highlighted the positive aspects of art and music and their impact on society, which is a strong point in your discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural capital
  • therapeutic
  • well-being
  • creativity
  • critical thinking
  • stimulate local economies
  • national pride
  • heritage
  • symbolic
  • freedom of expression
  • cultural diversity
  • tangible benefits
  • beacon of resilience
  • diplomatic tools
  • promoting peace
What to do next:
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