IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The only way to improve safety of our roads is to give much stricter punishments on driving offenses. To what extent do you agree with this idea?(Bayram)

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Car
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accidents
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 are a major problem for society,some of them cause deaths and injuries.Most people believe that imposing harsh punishment may reduce bad results.Alternative individuals emphasize that the roads consist of poor
infrastructure
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 and
road
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 signage.
This
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 essay indicates that stricter fines are crucial but those are not one way to
improving
Wrong verb form
improve
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road
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 safety. The first argument is that stricter punishments indeed act as a deterrent
such
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 as
,
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apply
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declining reckless
drivers
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,avoiding the usage of alcohol when
drivers
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 manage the
car
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 and so on.The government always tries to implement harsh methods in the case of encounter
car
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accidents
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 on the
road
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.The prevalence of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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deaths
due to
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car
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accidents
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 forces the state to accept strict decisions.
For instance
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,in Singapore, the inhabitants suffer long sentences time
due to
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 vehicle
accidents
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 by the government.
Hence
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,
this
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 decision
cause
Change the form of the verb
caused
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 to improvement of the welfare of the ways.
On the other hand
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, the second fact demonstrates that poor
road
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 conditions
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 lack of
traffic
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 signages,poor
infrastructure
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 and limited area for pedestrians' movement.Those indeed are the main reasons for the widespread
traffic
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 issues.
Furthermore
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, most
drivers
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 complain about
catching
Verb problem
getting
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 their
traffic
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 license
instead
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 of the
accidents
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.
That is
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 why the state engages to accept appropriate rules for
drivers
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.Including
this
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,installing new technological tools like measuring the speed limit,increasing the number of signages on the way and so on.
According to
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 one survey,a rich
infrastructure
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 causes better
road
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 conditions
which
Change preposition
in which
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drivers
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aware
Add a missing verb
are aware
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 rules and
declines
Change the noun form
decline
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injuries rather than bad
car
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 incidents. In conclusion,punishments for driving
offenses
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offences
show examples
 are an unavoidable solution to tackling
the
Correct article usage
apply
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road
Use synonyms
accidents
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.
However
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, the rich
infrastructure
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 can foster better safety on the way.The increasing
also
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traffic
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 signage and technological tools meet the pleasure
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
drivers
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 who are afraid of losing their licenses.
This
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 essay really believes that each good steps have an impact on the welfare of the
road
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.

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task response
Ensure that the introduction clearly outlines both sides of the argument to provide a balanced view from the start.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow of ideas within and between paragraphs to enhance clarity. Transition words and phrases can help improve this.
task response
More specific examples, possibly from studies or other countries, would strengthen your arguments and demonstrate comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic and attempts to engage with both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
task response
There is a good attempt to discuss both stricter punishments and infrastructure improvements, showing awareness of multiple factors affecting road safety.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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