IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
students
Use synonyms
 are habituated to
attend
Wrong verb form
attending
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
universities from
home
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 staying in hostels is
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 way to learn many things than living at
home
Use synonyms
 because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 meeting different kinds
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 improves the knowledge about
surviving
Replace the word
survival
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
Change preposition
in at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
a
show examples
hostel
Use synonyms
 are more confident and comfortable with any kind of
people
Use synonyms
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to young
people
Use synonyms
 who
stays
Change the verb form
stay
show examples
 at
home
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 know more about the world and
persons
Change the noun form
person
show examples
 behaviour when they are with
people
Use synonyms
 of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 same age. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, the scholars who prefer to stay in hostels are well in their academics. The reason is they discuss their studies with other
students
Use synonyms
 at any time in the
hostel
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 improves the bond between them and academic scores.
Secondly
Linking Words
,staying in
Use synonyms
hostel
Add an article
a hostel
show examples
 not only
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 studies better but
also
Linking Words
, makes the person more responsible about their
parents
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, I am a girl who stays far away from my
parents
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 makes
homesick
Correct pronoun usage
me homesick
show examples
 sometimes
morever
Correct your spelling
moreover
, the saddest thing is
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
not to meet my
parents
Use synonyms
 whenever I want. Despite all of
this
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of
situations
Fix the agreement mistake
situation
show examples
 made me stronger.
Addition
Change preposition
In addition
show examples
 to
this
Linking Words
,I know the struggle of my
parents
Use synonyms
 to provide me
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 education.I
Surrounded
Add a missing verb
am Surrounded
show examples
 by good
people
Use synonyms
 who
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 me study all
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 to get good marks in exams. At present,I am good enough to make friends and
building
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 connections with other
students
Use synonyms
. To
sumup
Correct your spelling
sum up
this
Linking Words
, I would
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 conclude, as far as I am concerned,staying
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 more
benefial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 to the
students
Use synonyms
 rather than staying at
home
Use synonyms
. Living in
Use synonyms
hostel
Add an article
a hostel
show examples
 makes the
students
Use synonyms
 more stronger and they are able to travel and live anywhere in the world after spending their
lifr
Correct your spelling
life
hostel
Use synonyms
 for some time.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to improve the clarity of your main points and ensure every point is well-developed.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring smoother transitions between your ideas to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your vocabulary and sentence structure to make your writing more engaging.
task achievement
You provide personal experiences, which adds a personal touch to your essay.
task achievement
You present clear reasons for the benefits of living in a hostel, making your arguments more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: