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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The use of cell phones (mobile phones) has increased rapidly in the twenty-first century. Additionally, cell phones can now be used for many purposes besides making phone calls. What are the advantages and disadvantages of cell phones? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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As the world continues to evolve, it is safe to say that technology has come to play a major role in its development and advancement. A significant feature is the increased usage of mobile
phones
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 in our current society brought on by
diverse
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the diverse
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 functions
it
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they
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 can provide other than being just a means to make calls. In
this
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 essay, I will talk about the pros and
the
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apply
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cons of increased mobile
phone
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 usage in our current generation and how
this
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 affects us as a society.
Firstly
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, as a Software Support Agent, I can firmly agree that the diverse functions of a mobile
phone
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has
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have
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 made working in
this
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 century easier. With my
phone
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, I can join meetings alongside my colleagues from different parts of the world. I can respond to emails and chats swiftly without the need to log into my work profile on my laptop, and
also
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, perform certain job roles on the spot. My
phone
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 is like my personal assistant, connecting me to various activities and keeping me informed of the latest activities around the Globe. In many fields, mobile
phones
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 can be seen as a
work station
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workstation
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 or a mini laptop.
For example
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, content creators who
use
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 their
phones
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 for content making on social media platforms, online classes where mobile
phones
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 are used to join study sessions and take notes, PAs (Personal Assistants) who
use
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 their
phones
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 as their scheduling tool for meetings, projects and task assignment, and, basically anybody who needs a window to the world outside their current environment.
Additionally
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, to
butress
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buttress
 my stance above, mobile
phones
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 have simplified the process of certain functions that in the previous centuries would have been a hassle to access. Contacting emergency services, monitoring your home security footage, controlling your electric cars, controlling your home
applicances
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appliances
 etc
..
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.
...
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 All these and more are why the advancement of mobile
phones
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 is a great cause,
however
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, we cannot ignore the negative effects it has caused. There
would
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will
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 always be two sides to a coin and the positive impacts of mobile
phones
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comes
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come
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 with
its
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their
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 negative
sibling
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siblings
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.
Due to
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 how much we have integrated the
use
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 of mobile
phones
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 into our daily activities, it has reduced us into a population devoid of personal human interaction. Personal relationships have disintegrated into calls and texts, waiving the need to personally communicate with another person. We now prefer the convenience of a video call over the inconvenience of an outing with friends or a text over the need to communicate in person with a loved one. We
also
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 cannot ignore the overload of information that the increased usage of
phones
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bring
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brings
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 about. Children now have access to online materials and articles that are detrimental to their mental health and emotional intelligence because of easy access
gotten
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apply
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via a mobile
phone
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. In conclusion, we cannot deny the need for a mobile
phone
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. Its everyday
use
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 in our lives cannot be underestimated but we need to moderate the impact
in
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on
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 our personal relationships and remove the instances where actual interactions are replaced by
technology
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technological
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 advancement.

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task achievement
Consider making a clearer distinction between advantages and disadvantages in your essay by using separate paragraphs for each or by explicitly labeling them. This will enhance clarity.
task achievement
While your points are well-supported with examples, try to make your examples even more specific to add depth to your arguments. For instance, you could give a specific situation of how mobile phones enhance productivity in a workplace context.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread for minor grammatical errors and typos such as 'butress' (should be 'buttress') and 'appliances' instead of 'applicances'. This will polish your essay further.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is engaging, but it could be strengthened by summarizing the main arguments of the essay. This helps prepare the reader for what's coming.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones, which is essential for this prompt. You have articulated your points well and provided personal insight and examples, which add to your argument.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is generally good, with a clear connection between the use of mobile phones and their implications on personal interaction and society.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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