IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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Today, life expectancy is higher than past in many
countries
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. Some individuals believe that it has detrimental effects on
governments
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,
while
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 some other
people
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 think it is beneficial for society. In my
opininon
Correct your spelling
opinion
, the pros of living longer,
such
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 as benefiting from their experiences and making
children
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 more social are stronger than the cons, like
alloting
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allowing
allocating
allotting
 more
money
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by
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to
show examples
governments
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, which will be discussed in
this
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 essay. The first benefit of longevity is that younger
people
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 can learn a wide range of information from older ones. To elaborate, usually, elderly individuals have life experiences which can teach the youth different things.
For instance
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, when grandparents tell real stories
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
based on the difficulties faced by them,
children
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 can take lessons from them and they will not struggle with the same situations.
Secondly
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, having a lot of elder
people
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 in
countries
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 is advantageous for
children
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 in terms of improving communication skills. In many
countries
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, mostly both parents work and they do not have enough time
for
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to
show examples
 dedicate to their
children
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. In
this
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 case, offspring can spend their time with their grandparents and they can talk a lot which improves
children
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's communication skills from a young age. Turning to the drawbacks of the older, one of them is that
governments
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 should allocate more
money
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 for the older.
In other words
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, if there are plenty of aged individuals,
governments
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 should pay a great deal of
money
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for
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to
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 pensioners and should provide health insurance for them.
Therefore
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, it is considered having many older
people
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 can damage the budgets of the
countries
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. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account,
i
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I
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 am convinced that helping
children
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 and benefiting from the older's experiences which are advantages of longevity outweigh its disadvantages;
for example
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, paying more
money
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 to them.

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content
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your position more explicitly. Also, avoid using 'some individuals' repetitively, as it can make your writing seem less formal.
language
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structures to create a more engaging reading experience. For example, instead of using 'elderly individuals,' you could say 'senior citizens.'
mechanics
Make sure to proofread for errors in spelling and grammar, like 'opinion' or 'alloting' which should be 'allotting.' Also watch out for inconsistent tense use.
content
The essay presents a balanced view on the topic, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of an ageing population.
content
The examples provided, such as grandparents teaching children, effectively support your main points and contribute to clarity.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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