IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished the same way as adults. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, there have been many cases where teenagers committed a grave
crime
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 and some individuals think that they have to be as penalised as adults.
This
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 essay will consider both situations before answering the question. On the one hand, teenagers who commit a
crime
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 may have done it without thinking and would regret it later.
This
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 is a chance for them to get better and understand the consequences of their actions by sending them to a place of correction.
Furthermore
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, it truly helps them realize that the consequences of their own actions are not the same as the consequences of their decisions
On the other hand
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, there is no guarantee that they will be able to reform because many serious crimes started with minor offences for which they were not punished and it led them to lack empathy and guilt. After that, they might feel that they can commit more and more crimes against humanity. So if the government turns a blind eye to these, it might lead to an increase
of
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in
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 criminality in the country. In conclusion, any
crime
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 committed on purpose has to be punished no matter what. Despite the fact that the
crime
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 was committed by the young individuals.

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task achievement
Ensure all points made in the essay are fully developed with clear examples and reasoning. While you have made some valid points, specifically stating examples would strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow between your ideas. A clearer connection from one paragraph to another would enhance coherence and make your position easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Work on providing a more nuanced conclusion that summarizes the main points rather than just stating a stance. This will provide a stronger closing to your essay.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction sets the context well and introduces the main topic clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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