IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think the increasing use of technology in the workplace is good for young people's prospects of gaining a job and harder for old people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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A group of individuals believe the rise of the use of
technology
Use synonyms
 in the work environment is good for young people's horizons and old people will find difficulty in seeking jobs. In my opinion, I completely agree that the
technology
Use synonyms
 development has many benefits but old people will be in a danger zone.
Technology
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 is really good for everyone and there are three prime advantages.
Firstly
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, make life easier and faster and develop daily life.
Secondly
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, reduce the cost for many services
such
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 as Text fees, newspapers, many unnecessary jobs have ended etc.
Finally
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,
Technology
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 connects the world together and establishes new things.
For example
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, trade, schools, research centres and many other things.
In addition
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, it assists students in their studies. There is no doubt there are issues caused by the new development for the old individuals and There are many solutions.
However
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, I highly recommend the three next solutions.
Firstly
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, we could teach them how to deal with the new devices and systems that really helped them and ended their problems.
Also
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, we should try to avoid giving them occupations that require computer experience.
Therefore
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, they will not find any issues.
Lastly
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, if all solutions are not made and differences or the jobs end because of the new development we should transform them into social security and retire the
last
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 solution has been taken from many governments Saudi Araba was one of them. In conclusion, I am extremely grateful for the
technology
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 used in the workplaces that will help society members as well we must take care of the older population.

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the topic well, but it could be clearer by stating your position explicitly and directly addressing the question. Consider rephrasing to make your position more evident.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that directly supports your overall argument. Some points seem to lack sufficient development and are a bit vague (e.g., 'make life easier and faster'). Elaborating on these ideas could strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
You should strive for more logical connections between your ideas. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to guide your reader through your argument, making sure each sentence flows smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Ensure to elaborate on your examples to enhance their relevance and clarity. The example provided about Saudi Arabia could be further explained to illustrate your point better instead of just mentioning it in passing.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion on the topic, and your essay includes relevant points related to the impact of technology on both young and old people.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes the main arguments well, reiterating your stance on the topic, which is a good practice in essay writing.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proficiency
  • adept
  • digital platforms
  • technological advancements
  • training and development programs
  • workplace diversity
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • perspectives
  • problem-solving
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