IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, sports stars earn extremely high salaries. Some people believe that sports stars earn too much money, while others claim that they deserve their high salaries. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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In many parts of the world, sports are very popular which makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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sportspersons earn
fat
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 salaries.
While
Linking Words
 one section of society believes they rightfully deserve
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
,
other
Change the wording
another
show examples
 section of society believes they are being overpaid. I will discuss both viewpoints with their merits and
dismerits
Correct your spelling
demerits
. We have seen that many successful
players
Use synonyms
 and athletes earn huge sums of
money
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, many tennis and football legends,
such
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 as Ronaldo, Messi, Federer,
Nadal
Correct word choice
and Nadal
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, rake in millions of dollars every year. These extravagant salaries increase the gap between high-ranking
players
Use synonyms
 and low-ranking
players
Use synonyms
. Much of the
money
Use synonyms
 goes to top
players
Use synonyms
 and there is so
less
Correct word choice
little
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money
Use synonyms
 left for other
players
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, in tennis championships,
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 two
players
Use synonyms
 get 80% of the bounty
while
Linking Words
 other
players
Use synonyms
 just get enough to make
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
ends meet.
This
Linking Words
 skewed pay structure justifies the view that top
players
Use synonyms
 get too much and it should get restricted in some way.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, if we
oberve
Correct your spelling
observe
 keenly, we find that successful
players
Use synonyms
 are extremely disciplined, and industrious, grinding innumerable number of hours in the field to practice, and hone their skills. They had to sacrifice a lot of their personal life from their childhood to the
adoloscence
Correct your spelling
adolescence
 to be the epitome of success. Their careers are usually short, only lasting
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 years of their prime. We need to consider that the wealth accumulated during
this
Linking Words
 short span has to sustain them for their retirement life as well. Considering all these factors, we can not deny that they do not deserve all the fame and
money
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
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,
while
Linking Words
 both viewpoints have their merits, I align myself with the view that it takes both talent and personal sacrifice to achieve the level of success that some sports stars enjoy and they
truely
Correct your spelling
truly
 deserve the high salaries that they earn.

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Task Achievement
Consider adding a clearer thesis statement that encapsulates your opinion directly in the introduction.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, helping the reader follow your argument more easily.
Task Achievement
When discussing merit and demerit, ensure each point is developed with sufficient detail to demonstrate a comprehensive understanding of each viewpoint.
Task Achievement
You provide specific examples of well-known athletes to support your points, which strengthen your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with clear paragraphing that separates different ideas effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionate
  • essential service providers
  • societal benefits
  • income inequality
  • economic value
  • ticket sales
  • merchandise
  • sponsorships
  • job creation
  • rigorous training
  • health risks
  • financial stability
  • entertainment factor
  • global following
  • command high salaries
What to do next:
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