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Writing Samples
Band 6

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram below shows the manufacturing process for making sugar from sugar cane. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The
process
Use synonyms
 diagram illustrates how
sugar
Use synonyms
 cane is manufactured into the
sugar
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
process
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 production involves 7 various steps, which
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 with the growing of
sugar
Use synonyms
canes
Fix the agreement mistake
cane
show examples
 and
ends
Correct subject-verb agreement
end
show examples
 with getting the
sugar
Use synonyms
. To start, the longest step that takes place in the
process
Use synonyms
 of
sugar
Use synonyms
 manufacturing is the growth of
sugars
Fix the agreement mistake
sugar
show examples
canes
Correct subject-verb agreement
cane
show examples
 as it takes
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
 time, particularly from 12 to 18 months.
The next step is
Linking Words
 harvesting
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is done in different ways by applying both
equipment
Change to a plural noun
equipments
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as combines, and individuals. Afterwards,
sugar
Use synonyms
 canes
process
Use synonyms
 the crushing,
Linking Words
as
Correct word choice
and as
show examples
 a result, some juice gets extracted. Clearly, that juice needs to be
purifyed
Correct your spelling
purified
 with the help of the limestone filler. After that
stage
Add a comma
stage,
show examples
 the juice is put in the evaporator and gets heated
under
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 special temperature.
However
Linking Words
, in the centrifuge,
suggar
Correct your spelling
sugar
 crystals are separated from the syrup. In the end, after
dyring
Correct your spelling
drying
 and cooling, the
sugar
Use synonyms
 is produced.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words process, sugar with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • mature
  • harvest
  • extract
  • purification
  • impurities
  • evaporation
  • thick syrup
  • crystallization
  • centrifugation
  • molasses
  • raw sugar crystals
  • refinement
  • purify
  • whiten
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