IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People now have the freedom to work and live anywhere in the world due to the development of communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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A lot of
people
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 choose to work in a different
country
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. The question is There are more
people
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 who travel
to
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apply
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overseas than before
because
Add the preposition
because of
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 the huge development in smartphones and transportation. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. In
this
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 essay, I am going to introduce the main advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 topic.
To begin
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 with, Any community can find an excellent job in any part of the world,
in other words
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, modern technology helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
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 who have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
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 and high education to find jobs
in
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apply
show examples
overseas,
Although
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, The
people
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 who have
high-skills
Correct your spelling
high skills
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 can not find opportunities jobs in their
country
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,
Therefore
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, They choose to leave their
country
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 in order to find an excellent workplace
Also
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 higher salary than their
country
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.
For instance
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, India has a lot of
people
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 who have high experience and high education even though they go to Dubai or Canada in order to find a job.
on the other hand
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,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are many
people
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 who go
to
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apply
show examples
overseas for a
while
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,
In other words
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, The
people
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 who have gone to a different
country
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 albeit can not live all their life there,
Moreover
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, some of them feel homesick
due to
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they
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 live with a different community and different food.
For instance
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, India has two million
of
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apply
show examples
people
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 who have gone to overseas
last
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 year,
However
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, 80% of them
come
Wrong verb form
came
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 back to India
this
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 year.
Hence
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 modern technology is not enough for them to live outside their
country
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 forever. In conclusion, I would argue that even though we have achieved huge progress in technology and transportation still not enough to leave our community. They help to live for a
while
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, But not forever

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more clearly structured with a direct thesis statement that outlines the advantages and disadvantages more explicitly.
task achievement
Try to provide clearer examples and details to support your points, which would help clarify your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could summarize the main points more effectively and restate your position more clearly.
task achievement
You have a clear opinion throughout the essay and attempt to address both sides of the argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which allows for a logical flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • communication technology
  • transportation
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • freedom
  • work and live
  • development
  • increased job opportunities
  • flexibility
  • work-life balance
  • cultural exposure
  • diversity
  • economic growth
  • globalization
  • social isolation
  • loneliness
  • loss of community
  • sense of belonging
  • expensive cost of living
  • housing
  • strain on infrastructure
  • resources
What to do next:
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