Some people say that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. others believe that individuals who contribute to society like scientist and teacher are more successful. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Currently definition of
succees
Correct your spelling
success
is
one
Use synonyms
of
debatable
Add an article
the debatable
a debatable
show examples
topic
Fix the agreement mistake
topics
show examples
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
. Some
people
Use synonyms
say
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
individuals who
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
tons of
money
Use synonyms
are the most successful, the other says the ones who
contributes
Change the verb form
contribute
show examples
more and
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
huge impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
society
Use synonyms
are more successful. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
I will discuss
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
views and give a concluding view. On the
one
Use synonyms
hand, most
people
Use synonyms
believe that
money
Use synonyms
equal
Add a missing verb
is equal
show examples
to value.
That's
Unnecessary verb
That
show examples
means, the more
money
Use synonyms
you
collected
Wrong verb form
collect
show examples
the more valuable you are as
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
person.
For example
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high salary
Add a hyphen
high-salary
show examples
job often comes with complex
task
Fix the agreement mistake
tasks
show examples
and vital
position
Fix the agreement mistake
positions
show examples
within the company, the
one
Use synonyms
who
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
hired should be a professional with
relevance
Replace the word
relevant
show examples
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
,
people
Use synonyms
sees
Change the verb form
see
show examples
them as important individuals and valuable, judging from their high salary.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents of
this
Linking Words
view point out that, contribution to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
is the biggest parameter of
success
Use synonyms
. The main reason is because they give a lot of benefits to others.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
, who
are teaching
Wrong verb form
teach
show examples
their pupil
sincerly
Correct your spelling
sincerely
and smartly would
creates
Change the verb form
create
show examples
more
high impact
Add a hyphen
high-impact
show examples
individuals
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
, they create more
engineer
Fix the agreement mistake
engineers
show examples
,
doctor
Fix the agreement mistake
doctors
show examples
and many more.
Thus
Linking Words
, for some
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
they are the
hero
Fix the agreement mistake
heroes
show examples
whos
Correct your spelling
who
show examples
save the nations and spread positivity towards
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
and contribution are
one
Use synonyms
of the
parameter
Change to a plural noun
parameters
show examples
of
success
Use synonyms
. For me, It's better to define our version of
success
Use synonyms
because
Linking Words
at
Add the comma(s)
, at
show examples
the end of the day, both
money
Use synonyms
and contribution are important things to understand the value of
success
Use synonyms
itself.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

clarity
Try to improve the clarity of your ideas by using more precise language. For example, instead of 'the more money you collected the more valuable you are as the person,' you could say 'many people equate financial success with personal value.'
grammar
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For example, instead of 'the one who get hired should be a professional with relevance experiences,' it should be 'the ones who are hired should be professionals with relevant experience.'
expansion
Consider expanding your examples to provide a deeper insight into your arguments. For instance, mentioning specific contributions made by teachers or scientists could strengthen your point.
structure
You presented both sides of the argument clearly, which is important for task achievement.
conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your views and brings closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: