IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people believe that the gap between rich and poor are widening. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?

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The financial crisis of one’s lifestyle depicts
their
Change the word
the
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 range of amenities they possess and are exposed to. A lot of individuals opine that
income
Use synonyms
 equality is on the rise.
This
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 essay will discuss the problems associated with
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this phenomena
Change the determiner
this phenomenon
these phenomena
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 and some solutions to tackle them. There are several challenges that
arises
Change the verb form
arise
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 because of
income
Use synonyms
 disparity.
To begin
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 with, the crime rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society is going up because of jealousy and insecurity that originates in some individuals from underprivileged
background
Fix the agreement mistake
backgrounds
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.
For example
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, multiple news reports have shown that there are more illegal activities in cities where the
income
Use synonyms
 imbalance is prominent.
In addition
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 to
this
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, another issue is that people with less financial resources are not able to acquire access to quality healthcare. Many certified doctors prefer to work in private hospitals where they get paid higher rather than indulging in government sector hospitals.
Therefore
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, addressing the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 situations is vital for any community. There are some viable solutions that can be taken to overcome these challenges.
Firstly
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, the government should focus on educating everyone and providing them with gainful employment
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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.
This
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 will lead to a reduction in the
income
Use synonyms
 gap and eventually
brings
Correct subject-verb agreement
bring
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 the crime rate down.
Secondly
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, if every citizen gets covered under insurance, they can easily access any healthcare facility for their health betterment without worrying about
the
Correct article usage
apply
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finances.
For instance
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, in some developed countries, healthcare policy is the same for everyone despite of their social status.
Although
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 the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
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 solutions are difficult to implement, a good regime can do the same.
To conclude
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,
this
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 essay has explained the drawbacks and relevant measures to resolve them which are associated with
income
Use synonyms
 inequality.
Whereas
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, the focus should be on education and employment
while
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 providing universal insurance
cover
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coverage
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 to every member of their state.

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Task Achievement
Consider improving the clarity of your thesis statement in the introduction. Ensure it directly outlines the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in your singular and plural forms (e.g., 'gap between rich and poor is widening' instead of 'are widening').
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the discussion of the consequences of income inequality and the proposed solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to link your paragraphs more smoothly; use transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and sections.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Task Achievement
The identification of crime rates and healthcare access as issues related to income inequality is insightful and relevant.
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