IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, more and more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In
this
Linking Words
 new era, people focus a lot on their health and fitness, especially after
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 Covid pandemic. Some people prefer to hire a personal fitness
trainer
Use synonyms
 who
guide
Change the verb form
guides
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 them
for
Change preposition
in
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 specific exercises
according to
Linking Words
 their physique and
also
Linking Words
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 them
a
Add the preposition
with a
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proper diet plan to follow to get
a
Correct article usage
the
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 best and
quick
Correct word choice
quickest
show examples
 result for their body. I believe it has more negative
side
Fix the agreement mistake
sides
show examples
 than a positive one. I believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
Correct your spelling
that
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 social media is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main reason behind
this
Linking Words
 activity. The first advantage of a personal
trainer
Use synonyms
 is that you get the all attention of your
trainer
Use synonyms
 only on you because it is not possible in
gym
Add an article
the gym
a gym
show examples
 where many individuals are doing a workout at a time.
For example
Linking Words
- My friend
go
Wrong verb form
has gone
show examples
 to a gym every day
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
couple
Change the article
a couple
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 of months, but
last
Linking Words
 month she hired a personal
trainer
Use synonyms
 which is very helpful for her because she
get
Wrong verb form
got
show examples
 to know to correct posture to do
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
weight lifting which she was
going
Correct your spelling
doing
show examples
 wrong in previous days. I think
such
Linking Words
 minor things are captured only when a
trainer
Use synonyms
focus
Correct subject-verb agreement
focuses
show examples
 on one individual. The initial drawback is that a
person
Use synonyms
become
Change the verb form
becomes
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 more
introvert
Replace the word
introverted
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 when they do not interact with the other
person
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, when a
person
Use synonyms
play
Change the verb form
plays
show examples
 any sport it will help to enhance the whole personality of a player in various ways,
such
Linking Words
as-
Correct your spelling
as
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 leadership quality,
team work
Correct your spelling
teamwork
show examples
, patience and so on.
For instance
Linking Words
- I used to play a football game which is beneficial for me to learn new languages from other players because some players are from different countries and
sometime
Replace the word
sometimes
show examples
 they speak their own languages.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
A
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Gym clubs, Sports,
exercise
Correct word choice
and exercise
show examples
 classes
helps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
 you to interact with
other
Change the wording
another person
other people
show examples
person
Use synonyms
 who
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
totally
Add an article
a totally
show examples
 different
personality
Fix the agreement mistake
personalities
show examples
 from yours which helps you to learn more about other things which you never heard or read. In conclusion, I think playing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
sports and doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exercise with a group of people is more beneficial than hiring a personal
trainer
Use synonyms
 because it helps you to develop more skills
as except
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a good health.

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task achievement
Try to provide more clearly defined reasons for why you think the trend of hiring personal trainers is negative. Explain your perspectives more in depth.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and contributes to your overall argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use a wider range of vocabulary and vary your sentence structures to improve the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
You present a clear argument against personal trainers, and you provide personal examples to support your points.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main argument, making it clear what your stance is.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • personalized workout plans
  • tailored
  • efficient
  • awareness
  • physical health
  • motivation
  • guidance
  • convenience
  • flexibility
  • exclusivity
  • status symbol
  • inaccessible
  • community engagement
  • social interaction
  • health outcomes
  • personal achievement
  • health-conscious
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