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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should start school at a very young age, while others believe that they should not go to school until they are older. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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The decision behind the
age
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children
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 get formal education has sparked considerable debate. Some believe that they should start as early as possible,
while
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 others contend that they should be old enough to go to
school
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.
While
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 both
perspective
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perspectives
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 have merit,
this
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 essay will discuss both points of view and give my own perspective. On one hand, toddlers should start
school
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 early because
this
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 is the optimal
age
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 for learning new things. Many experts say that at
this
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 stage,
children
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 can absorb knowledge more easily
more easily
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apply
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compared to when they start at an older
age
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.
For example
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, early schooling helps
children
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 develop various skills and become more advanced, allowing them to participate in academic competitions.
Moreover
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, starting
school
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 at
very
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a very
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 young
age
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 enables
children
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 to socialize more easily, which is essential for adapting to different environments.
In contrast
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, those who have limited social interaction may struggle to connect with others, leading to feelings of awkwardness and potential stress that could impact their mental health.
Thus
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, by getting
children
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 used to interacting with peers from various backgrounds at
school
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, they will develop a stronger foundation for them to become more adaptable, confident, and tolerant.
On the other hand
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, beginning academic education later is beneficial because
children
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’s emotional and cognitive abilities will be more mature. Older
children
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 are generally more prepared to manage learning demands at
school
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,
such
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 as following rules, understanding lessons, and regulating their
emotion
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emotions
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 and frustration during the learning process.
Furthermore
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, the ability to concentrate is crucial for studying and comprehending materials.
While
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 those who
under
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are under
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 seven years old are still developing their motor skills, which makes it difficult for them to focus in class. In conclusion,
although
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 both approaches have their own benefits, I believe that early-
age
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 schooling should focus on play and socialisation to better prepare
children
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 and prevent them from feeling overwhelmed when they enter formal education later.

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Task Achievement
Your introduction clearly outlines the topic and states your intention to discuss both views and provide your opinion, which is good. To strengthen it further, you could add a brief summary of the main points you will cover in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your ideas are generally well-organized, but some paragraphs could benefit from clearer topic sentences to reinforce the main idea being discussed. Ensure that each paragraph starts with a clear main idea, and then follow it up with supporting details.
Task Achievement
While your arguments are relevant, including more specific examples or statistics could enhance your points. This would make your arguments even more persuasive and help illustrate your ideas more clearly.
Task Achievement
The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument regarding the age children should start school, which demonstrates a balanced understanding of the topic.
Task Achievement
You have provided thoughtful reasons for each perspective related to early schooling and later schooling, showcasing an understanding of the implications of each approach.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • social skills
  • learning disabilities
  • natural development
  • family bonding
  • competitive edge
  • formal education
  • Scandinavian countries
  • academic performance
  • balanced approach
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