IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters (such as food, clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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During the
last
Linking Words
 decade relationships between parents and their
children
Use synonyms
 have changed. Nowadays every child can choose what they want to do,
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
wear, to eat. In fact, a significant number of individuals think that
this
Linking Words
 decision can lead to results when an adult will think just about their problems in the future. Their opponents strongly agree that teenagers who know what they want will be more effective in their future
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore
this
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 phenomenon in more detail , supported by relevant examples. First of all, I would like to admit that understanding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
your own wishes is a crucial
life
Use synonyms
 skill not only for young
children
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 for adults. I believe that the person ,who can make a choice, is more confident in their power. I guess
this
Linking Words
 option can help in society
as well as
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 in
personal
Correct pronoun usage
my personal
show examples
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, two of my friends grew up in opposite families. One of them, Jeremy, has made everything
what
Change the word
that
show examples
 his mom wanted. Now he doesn’t have a family, his work is not interesting, his
life
Use synonyms
 is boring and he can’t change it. Another friend, Tommy, has parents who have given him
freedom
Use synonyms
 during his childhood. In the present
moment
Add a comma
moment,
show examples
 he is a happy husband and father of two sons, his work is interesting and high-paying.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, juveniles who have liberty in inadequate amounts can become
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
self-centered
Change the spelling
self-centred
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, pathological
freedom
Use synonyms
 can lead to violation of the law.
However
Linking Words
, if
children
Use synonyms
 have to grow up in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strict environment, without choosing, they will not understand their demands.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they will not have their own
life
Use synonyms
 in the full sense. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 I would like to summarize that
freedom
Use synonyms
 is a very flexible way. I strongly agree that
children
Use synonyms
 should live in an adequate environment with enough
freedom
Use synonyms
 for their natural development.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to your main argument and that all ideas build upon each other logically.
task achievement
Make sure to incorporate your personal opinion more distinctly in the introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided, ensuring they fully illustrate your points and include a bit more explanation on how they support your argument.
content
You provided relevant examples from personal experience, which added depth to your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guiding the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
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