IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe children should have organized activities in their free time. Others believe children should decide what to do in their free time on their own. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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in recent
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
,the choice of whether or not
children
Use synonyms
 should have organized
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
 has become
increading
Correct your spelling
increasing
increasingly
 popular.
while
Linking Words
 some people
veiw
Correct your spelling
view
children
Use synonyms
 should have organized
activities
Use synonyms
 as
benneficial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
,others
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should not.
although
Linking Words
 the latter view holds some validity,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am more inclined to agree with the former,as the advantages of
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
organized
Correct article usage
an organized
show examples
 class overweight the associated disadvantages. those who see
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
 should arrange their schedule by themselves argue that it will increase their creativity and help their ability
of being
Replace the preposition
to be
show examples
 independent.
Use synonyms
children
Capitalize word
Children
show examples
 who decide what they want to do
offen
Correct your spelling
often
 become more
creativity
Replace the word
creative
show examples
 in the future
.some
Correct your spelling
Some
 studies said that
children
Use synonyms
 choose the things they want to spend times on it usually link with their images.
for example
Linking Words
,a
Use synonyms
children
Fix the agreement mistake
child
show examples
 who was keen on
disassembled
Wrong verb form
disassembling
show examples
 the mobile phone and
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 model of
car
Add an article
the car
a car
show examples
 who
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 a famous engineer in his later life.
futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
children
Use synonyms
offen
Correct your spelling
often
 become more independent when
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 grow up,if
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 deal with
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own things in
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
.
Use synonyms
children
Capitalize word
Children
show examples
 will tend to solve
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 problem by
himself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 and
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 will not
rely
Add the preposition
rely on
rely upon
show examples
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 so deeply.
however
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would agree
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 should help
children
Use synonyms
organized
Wrong verb form
organise
show examples
activities
Use synonyms
 in their
after school
Add a hyphen
after-school
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, because
children
Use synonyms
 are too young to make the decision
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own and
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 will be helpful for their future career development,which
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it a more
advantages
Replace the word
advantageous
show examples
 choice
overall
Linking Words
.
firstly
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 are lack of judgment, they can not distinguish good and bad
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 information age.
children
Use synonyms
 need
erder
Correct your spelling
order
 to help
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 plan their
activities
Use synonyms
 in their free
time
Use synonyms
.
secendly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
if
perants
Correct your spelling
parents
 help their
children
Use synonyms
 decide what they should do ,it may give
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 a shortcut when
their
Change the pronoun
they
show examples
 meet some trouble in their career when they grow up.
such
Linking Words
 as many
paintist
Correct your spelling
paints
 learn
paino
Correct your spelling
piano
 when there are litter ,
this
Linking Words
 organized
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 laid a
soild
Correct your spelling
solid
 foundation
foor
Correct your spelling
for
 them to become outstanding musicians in the future. in conclusion,
although
Linking Words
let
Wrong verb form
letting
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 plan their schedule by themselves in
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 some benefits .
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 still
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
children
Use synonyms
 should have organized
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 by
Add an article
an elder
show examples
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
 which are more
complling
Correct your spelling
compelling
 than organized
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.

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language
Improve spelling and grammar. Words like 'view', 'beneficial', 'independent', 'overweight', 'creativity', 'furthermore', 'artists', 'foundation', etc., are misspelled or incorrectly used. Check to ensure proper spelling and grammatical structures.
content
Clarify and delve deeper into your points. Your arguments can be more robust and would benefit from additional examples and elaboration for clarity.
organization
Enhance transitions between paragraphs to improve flow and ensure logical progression. Consider using more linking words and phrases to improve overall coherence.
content
The writer presents a clear opinion on the topic, indicating their preference for organized activities for children. This clear stance is a strong aspect of the essay.
content
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic and making it a well-rounded discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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