More and more adults are playing computer games. Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative trend?

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Nowadays, the number of adults playing video
games
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increasing , because it is an easy way to make new friends,
as well as
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the check prize of the
world
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competition
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in video
games
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. So,
this
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trend
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is considered a a positive
trend
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as the
time
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that adults spend
time
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playing
help
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helps
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them
in
Change preposition
apply
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gain money ,
spending
Verb problem
have
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joyful
Correct article usage
a joyful
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time
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, and
socializing
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socialise
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all over the
world
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. Regarding the
adults
Change to a genitive case
adult's
adults'
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attraction to online
games
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,
this
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may be
due to
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the
multi
Correct word choice
multiple
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features contained in the
games
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, like chatting by message ,
voices
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voice
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, and live video
games
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.
Moreover
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, these features are tools to make friends
while
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playing , they help each other to know the tricks and tips to win the game .
For example
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, the Tick Tock
games
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have all
tools
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the tools
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to give
feedbacks
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feedback
show examples
or talk with
players
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and send gifts to support them. The other reason for the
increasing
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increase
show examples
in
adult
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adults
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playing computer
games
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is the
world
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competition
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prize , it collects
players
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from all over the
world
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and the winner will receive a
money
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monetary
show examples
giftthat
Correct your spelling
gift that
will support their future. In 2024 ,
this
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competition
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was held in Saudi Arabia , above 50000 viewers attended to support their favourite
players
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and the winner
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
receives
one million riyals. One of the positive sides of
this
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trend
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is socialising with different
players
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from different countries and a variety of languages .
Furthermore
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,
games
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contain
chatting
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chat
show examples
rooms for the
players
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to introduce themself and learn about each other's background.
Also
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, meeting in international conferences or global competitions. Another advantage of
this
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trend
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is gaining money by making ads for the game companies or winning a gift .
For instance
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, the YouTube company gives salaries to the live
players
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who share their
games
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on YouTube with the highest number of viewers and subscribers. In conclusion , adult joining online
games
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could be
due to
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their desire for online friendship and the number of
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competition
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competitions
show examples
on online
games
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that increase with
time
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. The benefits of
this
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trend
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are having a salary
as well as
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making different relationships with a variety of people.

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task achievement
Your essay presents some interesting points, but could better explore the implications of adults playing video games, both positive and negative. Consider addressing possible downsides to this trend in more detail to provide a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be clearer in outlining both the reasons for the trend and stating your position clearly at the end. A more structured approach would improve the readability of your ideas and help your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Connecting your ideas with smoother transitions can enhance cohesion. Use linking phrases to show how your points relate to each other and to clarify your thought process.
task achievement
The examples provided, such as the gaming competitions and YouTube monetization, are relevant and demonstrate an understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You have made a good attempt to discuss how gaming can foster friendships and social interaction, which is a significant aspect of the phenomenon.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • immersive
  • stress relief
  • multiplayer games
  • online communities
  • cognitive challenges
  • mental stimulation
  • e-sports
  • socially acceptable
  • prestigious
  • purchasing power
  • sophisticated games
  • escapism
  • accessible
  • advertisements
  • adult demographics
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