IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing ( for example, through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

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There is
view
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the view
a view
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 that monitoring is
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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widespread among the people,
while
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 some say that
this
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 approach can destroy personal
berriers
Correct your spelling
barriers
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 strongly oppose
this
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 notion as monitoring can help to prevent
crimes
Use synonyms
. When it comes to
benefits
Correct article usage
the benefits
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 of monitoring, there variety
useful
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of useful
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 advantages.One of them is that prevent
crimes
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. There are numerous unsolved
crimes
Use synonyms
,
that's
Correct word choice
and that's
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 why monitoring should be placed everywhere, like residential areas,
bank
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banks
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, and
also
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school
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schools
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. Imagine, the
crimes
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 that would happen if the school did not have a monitor installed.
Firstly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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child abduction will
be reached
Wrong verb form
reach
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 the highest point or would be
small
Correct article usage
a small
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Use synonyms
crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
crime
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.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some disadvantages of monitoring.
For
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example
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example,
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 destroying personal
berriers
Correct your spelling
barriers
.I think everyone
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 their own personal information and it can reveal
this
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 kind of special
informations
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information
pieces of information
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such
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 as bank accounts,
id
Correct your spelling
ID
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 carts, and unsayable
informations
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information
pieces of information
show examples
.
In these
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These
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 days there are numerous
of
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apply
show examples
illegal apps.
For instance
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, in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 modern
era
Add a comma
era,
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 the app which is called VPN is
being
Verb problem
becoming
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 widespread among
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people.
This
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 app is used by
froudsters
Correct your spelling
fraudsters
 and they can reveal their money in the bank.How does it work ? When you download
this
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 kind of
apps
Fix the agreement mistake
app
show examples
 they can monitor what you are doing.
Therefore
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, people should check before they download. In conclusion,
although
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 monitoring has disadvantages,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe monitoring is really essential to prevent
crimes
Use synonyms

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task achievement
Clarify your viewpoint in the introduction. You state that you strongly oppose the notion that monitoring destroys personal barriers, but make sure to clearly outline that your main argument supports the benefits of monitoring.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure subject-verb agreement, e.g., 'everyone has' instead of 'everyone have'. This will enhance the grammatical accuracy of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to improve the flow of your ideas. For example, use 'Furthermore' or 'Additionally' when introducing new points instead of 'On the other hand'.
task achievement
You provide relevant reasons for monitoring, such as crime prevention, which is a strong argument.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion summarizes your viewpoint effectively, reiterating that monitoring can be crucial for safety.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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