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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many feel that students today should learn Practical skills at school such as car maintenance and managing a bank account. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

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Nowadays, many kids need to have knowledge of vehicle maintenance and taking care of their finances
while
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 they are at school learning another subject.
This
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 essay will show you how important it is to learn practical
skills
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 at an early age and explain both opinions with relevant examples. On the one hand, students these days definitely need to learn the
skills
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 of how to maintain their own automobile when they are able to drive.
Firstly
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, It can be a useful skill when they grow up or they own their first auto.
For instance
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, when I was a kid my father taught me how to take care of the
car
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 and that made my life much easier. If I
didn't
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hadn't
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 learned how to fix the
car
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, I would have spent a lot of
money
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 on the repair.
Secondly
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, learning the information of managing your bank account or finances is one of the most crucial
skills
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 you need because it will make your life absolutely less stressful.
For example
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, when I was a young boy my grandfather taught me the
skills
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 of managing my own finances since
then
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 I never had any problem with spending my
money
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 and I always spend it wisely. If I didn't have the skill set, I would have always run out of funds, late for the rent and late for the bill.
On the other hand
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, giving lessons about practical
skills
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 at school can bring some negative outcomes.
Firstly
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, The school will spend tons of
money
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 on buying the objects for
this
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 skill set.
For instance
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, they need to buy a
car
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 and tools because they need to teach the kids how to maintain the
car
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.
Secondly
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, If the students have excellent financial
skills
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 that would be bad for the economy.
For example
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, they spend way less
money
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 buying things that they do not really need
while
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 they have
such
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 great
skills
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 in financial management that would be absolutely terrible for the economy.
This
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despite
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is despite
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 some potential negative outcomes. In my opinion, I absolutely agree that kids these days need to learn both of these
skills
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 because that can make their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 and future trouble-free.

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task achievement
Ensure that the introduction clearly states your position more explicitly. It's good to mention that you will discuss both opinions, but also clarify your viewpoint from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to focus on varied sentence structures and lexical resource. Some sentences feel a bit repetitive; try to diversify your phrases for more engagement.
coherence and cohesion
Provide a clearer connection between the ideas. For instance, when transitioning from one point to another, use clearer linking phrases to show how they relate.
content
You provide relevant personal anecdotes that illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument, which is a good approach in IELTS essays.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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