IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Percentages of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features between 2006 and 2010.

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The presented table chart gave information
the
Change preposition
on the
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 ratio of using different functions
their
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on their
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 mobile
phone
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 over a
period
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4
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of 4
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years between 2006 and 2010.
Overall
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,
it is clear that
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 the data of using mobile
phone
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 owners varied significantly during the
period
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 shown. It is
also
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 noticeable that it main reason why people utilized their mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 was to make
call
Fix the agreement mistake
calls
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.On the one hand, in
search
Add a comma
search,
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 the internet
also
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 used
remakable
Correct your spelling
remarkable
 over time. Looking at the table chart,in 2006 the percentage of
make
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making
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 calls accounted for
highest
Add an article
the highest
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 number, at 100% and
then
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 to people used
take
Add the particle
to take
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 photos(66%) and text messages (73%).
By contrast
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,the
participations
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participation
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 rates of using mobile
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phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 in
played
Wrong verb form
playing
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 games or music recorded lower rates at 17% and 12%,in turn in 2006.
Finally
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,throughout the
period
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 shown,in 2008 and 2010 in
make
Replace the word
making
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 calls experienced
continous
Correct your spelling
continuous
 growth at 100% and 99%,respectively.
Linking Words
nevertheless
Capitalize word
Nevertheless
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,the number of utilizing their
phone
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 to access the internet accounted for 41% in 2008 and 73% in 2010.
In addition
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,there was a significant increase in the
percentages
Fix the agreement mistake
percentage
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 of functions
their
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on their
show examples
 phones during the
period
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 from 9% in 2008 to 35% in 2010

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coherence and cohesion
Make sure to provide a clearer introduction and conclusion. Your introduction presents the topic but could be more comprehensive. Consider summarizing the main trends or features you will discuss in your essay.
task achievement
Ensure proper grammar and word choice. For example, phrases like 'the participations rates of using mobile phone' should be 'the participation rates of mobile phone usage.'
coherence and cohesion
Try using more varied vocabulary to describe the percentages and trends. For example, instead of 'accounted for,' you can use 'represented' or 'constituted.'
task achievement
Pay attention to minor spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'remakable' should be 'remarkable', 'participation rates' not 'participations rates'). This will enhance the clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You have identified key trends in the data and made comparisons which is essential for this type of task.
task achievement
Overall, your essay includes an attempt to analyze the changes over time, which is very important for task completion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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