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Writing Samples
Band 6

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.

The three pie charts show the production, consumption of coffee and where the profit goes around the world.
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There are three pie charts that provide pieces of information about manufacture, consumption and how to distribute the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
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 for caffeine.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
firstly
Linking Words
, South Africa comes the first production of
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Next,
Linking Words
Europe spends most of its money on
coffee
Use synonyms
.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the part of delivery
get
Change the verb form
gets
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 the highest profits. To be specific, It is obvious that
coffee
Use synonyms
 production in South Africa is in the first place accounting for around 45%. Meanwhile, the difference between manufacturing in Indonesia, Japan and Vietnam is barely noticeable, which are taking up about 18% for each one.
By contrast
Linking Words
, about the consumption of
coffee
Use synonyms
, the proportion of Europe is the highest (50%), followed by America ( around 35%) and others (approximately 10%). Japan spends the least
of
Change preposition
apply
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money on
this
Linking Words
, which accounts for about 5%.
Terms
Change preposition
In terms
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 of distributing capital, the parts of send
coffee
Use synonyms
 get the most proportion of money is twice as high as those of retailers, with 50% and 25% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of wages that exporters and producers get varies slightly, both are about 10%. The rest of
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
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 belongs to others, which is the lowest (5%).

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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