IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that the teenagers should concentrate on all subjects at school. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subject they are best at or they are most interested in. To what extent do you agree?

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While
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 it is thought that adolescents ought to focus on a vast variety of
subjects
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 at school, others think that it would be better if they concentrated on a narrow number of
subjects
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 they are mostly engaged with. I firmly believe that studying all
subjects
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 may be a much better choice because students are not fully sure about their future
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and fundamental knowledge is essentially crucial.
To begin
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 with, teenagers might not be confident with their appointments of
subjects
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, especially at their young age, and
therefore
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 they may waste their time studying deep
subjects
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 that would not benefit them in the future with their job. In fact, undergraduates in colleges have a propensity to change their majors, so it would be too early to give adolescents to decide the realm they will continue to engage with to the end of their life. To illustrate, New York University reported that 37% of their students drop out in their first year largely
due to
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 interest deprivation.
Moreover
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, general knowledge of all domains will enhance their deep understanding of the world.
In other words
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, knowing, at least superficially, many domains would boost comprehension of life. A person who has fundamental knowledge probably will be open-minded and
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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extremely
Correct article usage
an extremely
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 fast learning rate.
This
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 is because they would be accustomed to learning new things and
therefore
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 be able to absorb new information much easier with fascinating speed. In fact, the majority of renowned scientists have studied all
subjects
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 and completed them with decent grades, which allowed them to succeed in new fields. In conclusion, teenagers ought to study all possible
subjects
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, as it will bring them an awareness of all spheres and give them more time to contemplate their future job.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or statistics to further bolster your points. For instance, including data or a case study involving teenagers' career decisions could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that every paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that all supporting sentences logically relate back to it, to improve the logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses both perspectives of the argument, providing a balanced discussion and ultimately a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay has clear and distinct introduction and conclusion sections. The introduction sets up the topic well, and the conclusion summarizes the key points succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The main ideas are generally well-developed with relevant explanations, and the essay makes good use of transitional phrases to link ideas and sections.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • well-rounded education
  • versatile skill set
  • personal development
  • future career opportunities
  • identify strengths
  • satisfying career
  • successful career
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • academic burnout
  • diverse curriculum
  • learning experience
  • engaging and stimulating
  • solid grounding
  • well-rounded individuals
  • diverse conversations
  • different perspectives
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