IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

People should never eat meat because raising animals for human consumption is cruel. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer, and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In contemporary society, many people believe that raising animals for
meat
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 is
amoral
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immoral
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 and should be prohibited.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explore why I personally disagree with
this
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 statement and support my stance with several examples. First and foremost,
meat
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 is an organic source of healthy
nutients
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nutrients
 that cannot be synthesized in laboratories.
That is
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 to say, modern technology, despite being relatively advanced nowadays, is not able to produce
food
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 as healthy and delicious as nature. The replacement of animal
meat
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 would
inevitable
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inevitably
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 change humans' dietary habits, lowering
food
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 satisfaction and leading to health issues associated with nutrient deficiency or its imperfections.
For instance
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, many vegetarians claim they feel fit and healthy without eating
meat
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.
However
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, medical research and blood tests often reveal that their organisms suffer from
the
Correct article usage
a
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 lack of minerals, proteins, and cholesterol.
Moreover
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, in my opinion, humans, just
as
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like
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 all other organisms, should eat naturally produced
food
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, meaning that the consumption of synthetic alternatives would violate the laws of nature. Indeed, a major part of the human population is religious and follows strict limitations regarding the
food
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 they consume, meaning that the government cannot prohibit
to eat
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eating
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meat
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, as alternatives will not be accepted by people.
For instance
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, my brother always tries to avoid non-organic or genetically modified foods as they contain artificial supplements that his religious rules
forbids
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forbid
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 him to eat. All things considered, people will not stop
to eat
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eating
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meat
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 owing to two major reasons.
First,
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many of them adhere to certain religious considerations that do not allow
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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 consume nonbiological foods.
Secondly
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, our technology cannot ensure the production of high-quality alternatives that would replace
meat
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 without harming human health.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your thesis and viewpoint more explicitly. Consider rephrasing to make your stance clearer from the start.
coherence cohesion
While your ideas are generally well-organized, consider enhancing the transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples, but there is room for improvement. Try to expand on your points with more specific examples or data to reinforce your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a well-defined structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
You effectively highlight the health benefits of meat and respect for dietary restrictions, showcasing an understanding of different perspectives.
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