IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Mothers play key roles in the upbringings of children. But in the recent times both parents are getting busy with professional life. Who, in your opinion, should take the responsibility of childcare now?"

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Nowadays, mothers
work
Use synonyms
 outside the house more than ever, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it harder for women to follow the
tradition
Replace the word
traditional
show examples
 gender role of taking
care
Use synonyms
 of children.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe parenting is
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
must
Correct pronoun usage
that must
show examples
 done
my
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 the two parent, mother should not
cary
Correct your spelling
carry
 all the weight of parenting on her
should
Verb problem
apply
show examples
,
fathers
Correct word choice
and fathers
show examples
 should step up to the new challenges that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern families are facing
,.
Change the punctuation
,
.
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will
discus
Correct your spelling
discuss
show examples
this
Linking Words
 matter. Mothers were and still
always
Add a missing verb
are always
show examples
 the
primer
Correct your spelling
primary
show examples
caregiver
Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
show examples
;
however
Linking Words
, in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 they were getting
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 from
females member
Fix the agreement mistake
female members
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
.
whereas
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 and age mothers
work
Use synonyms
indside
Correct your spelling
inside
 and outside the home ,doing everything
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
her
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 own without
assisten
Correct your spelling
assisting
 hands.
For example
Linking Words
, my grandmother was taking
care
Use synonyms
 of me, when my mom was at
work
Use synonyms
. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
: it helped my mom to have
work
Use synonyms
 and life balance at that
time
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I think as long that the
husban
Correct your spelling
husband
 and wife
choice
Replace the word
choose
show examples
 to have kids, they must talk about the role of each one of them in raising
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 kids. It is
Change the word
certainly
show examples
certain
Add the comma(s)
certain,
show examples
 not fair for one parent to have the whole
responsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 of
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 offspring
by
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their own.
For instance
Linking Words
, my father
was helping
Wrong verb form
helped
show examples
 my mother by taking
many
Rephrase
as many
show examples
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
 as he
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
, like
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
Use synonyms
 of my hospital
appointment
Fix the agreement mistake
appointments
show examples
 and
drive
Wrong verb form
driving
show examples
 me to my school.
thus
Linking Words
, co-parenting is good for both parties,by
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and
create
Wrong verb form
creating
show examples
memory
Add an article
a memory
show examples
 with
Use synonyms
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 child,
Additonally
Correct your spelling
Additionally
,
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 both of my parent to have more free
time
Use synonyms
 for
them selves
Correct your spelling
themselves
show examples
. In conclusion, I firmly believe that children need the
care
Use synonyms
 of both parents, so they can have a bond and create
memory
Fix the agreement mistake
memories
show examples
 as a family. It
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only about taking
respoinsibilty
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 and doing the daily
duty
Fix the agreement mistake
duties
show examples
, it is
also
Linking Words
 about raising kids well and
teach
Wrong verb form
teaching
show examples
 them value through being
a role models
Correct the article-noun agreement
a role model
role models
show examples
.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and supports it with examples or explanations. This will enhance coherence.
grammatical accuracy
Check for grammatical errors and typos, such as 'should' instead of 'should,' and 'they're' instead of 'thier.' This will help improve clarity.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points more thoroughly to show a deeper understanding of the topic. Adding more details can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You presented a clear opinion on the shared responsibilities of childcare, which addresses the task effectively.
task achievement
The use of personal examples, such as your family's experiences, helps to make your argument relatable and clear.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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