IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that an efficient public transport system is the most important factor in the development of a modern city. Others argue that aspects such as healthcare, education, and public safety should take priority. Discuss both views and give your own opinion:

It is argued between
people
Use synonyms
 that the government transport system is the biggest factor affecting the
developing
Replace the word
development
show examples
 of a developed
city
Use synonyms
 .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer improving
sectors
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as public hospitals , schools or
univirsities
Correct your spelling
universities
, and public safety . In my firm belief , focusing on different types of
sectors
Use synonyms
 would add
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 for the
city
Use synonyms
 rather than concentrating on one aspect
such
Linking Words
 as public transport .
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views .
To begin
Linking Words
 with , it would benefit the
state
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 to have an improved way of transportation
in attracting
Change preposition
to attract
show examples
 tourists which will benefit the whole country not just the
city
Use synonyms
 .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , the first thing a tourist will think of when planning a visit to
specific
Correct article usage
a specific
show examples
city
Use synonyms
 is how easy
people
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 transport there .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , tourism will add stacks of money for the country which will assist
focusing
Change preposition
in focusing
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 other
sectors
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , a
state
Use synonyms
 like Dubai is keen on the public
transportaion
Correct your spelling
transportation
 and as known it is the biggest
city
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 in terms of tourism .
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , concentrating on
an amount
Change the quantifier
a number
show examples
 of various
sectors
Use synonyms
 will make a citizen satisfied .
First,
Linking Words
focusing on improving health care and hospitals is essential to every person . Health care plays a vital role in considering the
improvemet
Correct your spelling
improvement
 of a
state
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, education is important for every citizen as it is crucial for educating the whole generation .
Besides
Linking Words
 , public safety is the most vital sector .
Therefore
Linking Words
 , if the
state
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 is considered a dangerous
city
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 no one would live in it . To add , most
people
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 these days have their own way of transportation
such
Linking Words
 as cars . In conclusion , in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 focusing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many kinds of
sectors
Use synonyms
 will benefit the country greater than improving just one .

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Task Achievement
Your introduction needs to clearly outline the two views you will discuss, which will help the reader follow your argument better. A more explicit thesis statement would enhance clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more effectively with linking words and phrases. This will make your essay flow better and improve coherence. For example, use words like 'however', 'additionally', or 'in contrast' to link ideas.
Task Achievement
Make sure to support your points with clear examples. It's good that you mentioned Dubai, but explaining how its public transport impacts tourism in more detail would strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'univirsities' should be 'universities', and 'improvemet' should be 'improvement'. Minor corrections can enhance the quality of your writing significantly.
Task Achievement
You provided a balanced view of both sides, which is essential for this type of essay.
Task Achievement
Your points about the importance of healthcare and education are relevant and show a good understanding of different aspects that contribute to city development.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • efficiency
  • congestion
  • pollution
  • accessibility
  • economic activities
  • quality of life
  • modern city
  • public transport
  • prioritize
  • development
  • socioeconomic factors
  • infrastructure
  • sustainability
  • urban planning
  • public safety
  • healthcare
  • education
What to do next:
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