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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graph below shows in formation about the languages that 13-year-old students in one school chose to study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows in formation about the languages that 13-year-old students in one school chose to study. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart line above
decbite
Correct your spelling
describes
 the languages the
13 year old
Add a hyphen
13-year-old
show examples
 chose to
study
Use synonyms
 in school. In 2000 we see most
students
Use synonyms
 chose to
study
Use synonyms
 French by nearly 150
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
, and less than 10
students
Use synonyms
select
Wrong verb form
selected
show examples
Mandarin
Use synonyms
.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
show examples
look
Correct subject-verb agreement
looks
show examples
 like The
poplarity
Correct your spelling
popularity
 of
Use synonyms
Mandarin
Correct article usage
the Mandarin
show examples
 language
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 in 2003 their was more than 40
students
Use synonyms
chose
Correct pronoun usage
who chose
show examples
 to
study
Use synonyms
Mandarin
Use synonyms
 and by 2005 they
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their peak
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
approxmatily
Correct your spelling
approximately
 70
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand
student
Use synonyms
 that was
studing
Correct your spelling
studying
 French in 2003
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 100
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
 and in 2005
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
the
Change preposition
at the
show examples
 bottom
as
Change preposition
at
show examples
 90
Use synonyms
student
Change to a plural noun
students
show examples
.
Know in present
Verb problem
Present
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both languages are near each other
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of
students
Use synonyms
 that select to
study
Use synonyms
 them, but French
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 than
Mandarin
Use synonyms
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10
students
Use synonyms
approxmatily
Correct your spelling
approximately
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the
differnce
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 in early
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2000 was huge but by the time it
decline
Wrong verb form
declined
show examples
 to reach about 10
students
Use synonyms
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it was 140
students
Use synonyms
 between these two languages.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words study, students, student, mandarin with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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