IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the twenty first century, more and more companies are trying to sell their products by addressing they are new in some way. Why do you think so? Is this a positive or a negative development?

Of course, like every other
businesses
Change to a singular noun
business
show examples
 they want
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people to buy a significant amount of
sells
Correct your spelling
sales
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. It can be done in many ways,
one
Use synonyms
 of
them
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is to advertise their stocks by making consumers believe
into
Change preposition
that
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 their product is
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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unique with new more advanced technology or features than the rest of their previous products.
For example
Linking Words
,
iPhone
Correct article usage
the iPhone
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, which everyone loves
also
Linking Words
 worships, changes just
one
Use synonyms
 feature or just
one
Use synonyms
 more camera;
still
Add a comma
still,
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 everyone now
are
Change the verb form
is
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 in crucial need
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the latest iPhone. Another example is fashion, a complicated branch I will never understand. My best friend, who wants to be a designer, says that she really wants
the
Correct article usage
a
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 Vivienne
Westwood’s
Change noun form
Westwood
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 jacket, which she saw yesterday on the runway. The next month she does not want the jacket anymore because it is out of fashion. I believe that chasing after new things is silly. If you already have the old version that works fine you should use it until it breaks. Nowadays, teenagers even elders are
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
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obsessed
by
Change preposition
with
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a
Remove the article
apply
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new stuff. Many of them are even planning
about selling
Change preposition
to sell
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 parts of their bodies,
such
Linking Words
 as organs, to be liked by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society; they are insecure about what others will think. I think that companies marketing their goods as
up to the minute
Add a hyphen
up-to-the-minute
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 is a negative development. In conclusion, people are going crazy for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
brand new
Add a hyphen
brand-new
show examples
 products, which is
one
Use synonyms
 way of selling more to buyers. My personal belief is that
this
Linking Words
 is an absurd development, because the old version works perfectly fine, so why make many insecure
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 My personal belief is that
this
Linking Words
 is an absurd development
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they are just trying too hard to get liked by
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your introduction could be clearer. Try to explicitly state your opinion on whether this trend is positive or negative right from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to separate your ideas into clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally focus on one idea to enhance the logical flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of language use.
task achievement
In your conclusion, try to summarize the key points you've made in a more structured way and reinforce your main argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the iPhone and fashion, which helped illustrate your points effectively.
task achievement
Your opinion on the issue is clear, and you have a consistent stance throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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