IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some believe that it is important for children to learn about other cultures order thing they should focus more on their own culture. Discuss both of you and give your opinion.

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In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning how cultures impact
on
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their
children
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. On the one hand, there are those who believe that it is crucial for juveniles to know about other cultures.
However
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, critics, including myself strongly oppose
this
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 view and believe that
,
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children
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 should concentrate on their own culture.
First,
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there is a point to be made, that knowledge is important for everyone special for
children
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. They must learn about other country cultures in the aim of any question questions they might face, so they should learn most valuable things at
early
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the early
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 edge.
For example
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,
children
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 who know about other nations,
they
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are more
talent
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talented
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 than those who ignore the necessary information about
history
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the history
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 of famous
countries
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.
For
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this
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 reason, it is evident that schools can offer subjects that include precious information about traditional knowledge of all
countries
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.
Moreover
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, the concepts about well-known
countries
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 make youngsters feel more confident and
this
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reflect
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reflects
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 on their personal life.
Nonetheless
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, it must be stated that our country is more significant because when adolescents know about challenges passed by their nation , their love and sacred to their own place Increase.
Therefore
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,
it is clear that
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 parents must
instill
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instil
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under
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in
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 their
children
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the
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apply
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meaningful insights about their own nation.
Furthermore
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,
children
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 can follow the methods that their ancestors
were
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apply
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followed, It is because they will learn about
the
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apply
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life, so the counterproductive new generations will minimise
,
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 if
children
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educate
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are educated
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 more about their culture.
To Conclude
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,
while
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 some feel that it is thoughtful to
learn
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teach
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 the offspring about
other
Correct your spelling
the
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 traditional life of other
countries
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, other myself included firmly believes the opposite. From my perspective, I believe that only one
country
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country's
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 knowledge should be taught to youngsters.

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task achievement
Work on forming clear and logical arguments. Each paragraph should connect smoothly to the next and reinforce your main idea without contradictions.
coherence cohesion
Enhance clarity by organizing your thoughts better in each paragraph. Make sure you explore both sides of the argument thoroughly.
task achievement
The attempt to discuss both sides of the argument shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The use of examples shows an effort to support your claims, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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