IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

More and more adults playing computer games why is this happening? Is this a positive or negative?

In
Recent
Fix capitalization
recent
show examples
 years. there has been a tremendous increase in the number of individuals questioning the more adolescents playing digital
games
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue, Why is
this
Linking Words
 happening?
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 that
assist
Correct subject-verb agreement
assists
show examples
 them
to keep
Change preposition
in keeping
show examples
 their minds in progress.
First,
Linking Words
There
Fix capitalization
there
show examples
 is a point to be made that
due to
Linking Words
 the advanced technology spreads and the trend of
smart phones
Correct your spelling
smartphones
show examples
 everywhere, so they have to use
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
 devices and
downloaded
Replace the word
download
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 that
attracted
Wrong verb form
attract
show examples
 them.
For example
Linking Words
, in 2024 the iPhone 6 was available in all
shop
Replace the word
shopping
show examples
 centres,
therefore
Linking Words
 everyone saw
this
Linking Words
 type of
innovations
Fix the agreement mistake
innovation
show examples
,
would
Correct word choice
and would
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 like to purchase it.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it is evident that the available things
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our community are
desiring
Wrong verb form
desired
show examples
 by everyone.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the advertising of numerous digital
games
Use synonyms
 by
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 original owners
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
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 all
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
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 and
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
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 them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 almost there half
day
Correct article usage
a day
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. In terms of
is
Correct word choice
whether is
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 it a pro or con, I would argue that it
is
Verb problem
has
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 a positive impact on adults
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because it
keep
Change the verb form
keeps
show examples
 the younger minds working , through IQ
games
Use synonyms
 and other
games
Use synonyms
 that
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
complex categories that provide excellent mind exercises.
For instance
Linking Words
. SUBWAY game had a lot of tricks that require
concentrate
Replace the word
concentration
show examples
 from gamers.
Therefore
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
theses
Correct your spelling
these
show examples
games
Use synonyms
 offer improvements and
give
Verb problem
have
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 huge positive consequences
on
Change preposition
for
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 adults.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the overwhelming evidence seems to
that
Add a missing verb
be that
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 instrument
games
Use synonyms
have
Verb problem
are
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 used by a huge number of younger.
However
Linking Words
, these
games
Use synonyms
 have
beneficially
Change the adverb
beneficial
show examples
 outcomes
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
related
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 adult thinking ways.
From
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 my opinion, parents have provided these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of innovations that younger certainly
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
show examples
through
Change preposition
from
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. Some young people are
living
Verb problem
leaving
show examples
 their countryside to live in cities and towns living only old peo

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task achievement
Ensure that your thesis statement clearly states what you will discuss in the essay. Make sure all points align with the argument.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases to better connect ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Diversify your vocabulary and sentence structure to make your writing more engaging and reduce repetition.
task achievement
You've introduced an interesting topic and provided a personal opinion on the matter.
task achievement
Some points presented are relevant and reflect your understanding of the impact of digital games.
task achievement
Your examples illustrate the points you are trying to make, giving some context to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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