Some people think that criminals should be given longer terms in prison, so as to reduce the crime rate. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some individuals believe that criminals should be given longer imprisonment in order to reduce the rate of crimes. I partially agree with the notion,
however
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, other solutions should be used to remedy the situation. Longer prison sentences do help to reduce crime.
In other words
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, before performing the crime, people are already aware of the consequences of that certain action. It would instil a fear of severe punishment that would discourage them from committing felonies. In UAE, rapists are abused both mentally and physically by the officials whilst they bear a strict punishment.
This
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, causes individuals to think twice before committing the sin.
Although
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, Longer imprisonment can help reduce the rate of felonies,
however
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, government should primarily focus on the root causes
such
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as socio-economic factors, access to education and jobs. Counselling sessions should be provided by the government to help these offenders reflect upon their actions for their and societal betterment.
Moreover
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, opportunities for jobs should be given so that their minds can be diverted through work and it
also
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helps them earn self-respect
while
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learning to earn money and take care of their loved ones.
Lastly
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, individuals should be given access to resources and opportunities to help them become better people eventually mitigating crime
whereas
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, with longer imprisonment, felonies are being controlled not eliminated from the root.

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task achievement
Consider making your stance clearer in the introduction. While you partially agree, explicitly state your perspective on how effective longer sentences might be compared to other solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that ties back to your main argument. Define the main idea at the beginning of each paragraph for smoother readability and coherence.
task achievement
You mentioned a specific example from the UAE, which is good. However, additional examples or statistics could strengthen your argument and make the relevance of your points clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Pay attention to grammar to improve clarity, such as in phrases like 'This, causes individuals to think twice' which should be 'This causes individuals to think twice.' Such errors can disrupt the flow of ideas.
task achievement
You introduced the topic well and presented a balanced view by acknowledging the opposing perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The use of transitional phrases (like 'although' and 'moreover') is effective in connecting your ideas, showcasing good cohesion in your writing.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation
  • incarceration
  • socio-economic factors
  • overpopulation
  • financial burden
  • root causes
  • punitive measures
  • ex-offenders
  • criminal justice system
  • reform
  • rehabilitative programs
  • preventive measures
  • community resources
  • alternative sentencing
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