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Band 4.5

In many countries, there is a growing gap between the technical skills of younger people and those over the age of 50. What problem does this cause, and what solutions could minimize the problem?

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Introduction
In
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 era, there is a
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 gap between the technical
siklls
Correct your spelling
skills
 of aged
people
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
over the age of 50.
world
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the world
show examples
 has made
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 technical
instument
Correct your spelling
instrument
 we are strongly attached
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 modern
technology
Use synonyms
 that's why it becomes a basic need
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
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therefore
Linking Words
some time
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 young
people
Use synonyms
 lead to
this
Linking Words
excersise
Correct your spelling
exercise
.
Body paragraph 1
To start with,
people
Use synonyms
 above the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
eage
Correct your spelling
age
 of 50 can't keep
with
Change preposition
up with
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
technology
Use synonyms
 is a part of youngsters' daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to a large gap.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 in
thair
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 not familiar with
technology
Use synonyms
 since it
was not develop
Change the verb form
was not developed
was not developing
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
to people
show examples
 when they were young.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the young face
technology
Use synonyms
 since they were born
taht's
Correct your spelling
that's
 why they can learn
leasily
Correct your spelling
easily
 but aget
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 are leading to follow
this
Linking Words
moden
Correct your spelling
modern
 trend
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
 20s or 50s
this
Linking Words
 can be
problem
Add an article
a problem
show examples
 because society has used the
technology
Use synonyms
tomake
Correct your spelling
to make
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 effective and efficient.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Australia grocery shops only
except
Correct your spelling
accept
show examples
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 or e-payment
due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason
Add a comma
reason,
show examples
 elder
people
Use synonyms
 can't purchase
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, older
peopel
Correct your spelling
people
 are not aware of the new soft skills but
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 or
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 can teach them how to use technical tools. It is the best way for them to be familiar with
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 generation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
 can teach them some basic technical
thinks
Correct your spelling
things
show examples
 like payment
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 or online banking,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is efficient for basic needs.
Body paragraph 3
For
exmple
Correct your spelling
example
, my mother is over 50s she is not aware of
Correct article usage
the tehchical
show examples
tehchical
Correct your spelling
technical
 elements but my
doughter
Correct your spelling
daughter
 makes her a
technical
Change the word
technically
show examples
 usable person.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
jeneration
Correct your spelling
generation
generations
 have been leading with modern
technology
Use synonyms
, they have to
becomes
Change the verb
become
show examples
 a good
technocal
Correct your spelling
technical
 person it is
basic
Correct article usage
a basic
show examples
 trend of
new
Add an article
the new
a new
show examples
 world
otherwise
Linking Words
 you can face some
dificalty
Correct your spelling
difficulty
 to survive,
while
Linking Words
 elder can be a way for old
people
Use synonyms
 to
becomes
Wrong verb form
become
show examples
 a
tehchnical
Correct your spelling
technical
 usable person.

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coherence and cohesion
The essay contains relevant points but lacks a clear and logical structure. Make sure to use clear paragraphs for each idea (introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion) and maintain a logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure your introduction presents the topic clearly and logically. Beginning with a strong thesis statement helps outline the main points you will discuss. Additionally, restating your main idea in the conclusion will strengthen your argument.
task achievement
There are grammatical errors and awkward phrasing throughout the essay that impact clarity. Focus on proofreading your work for correct spelling, punctuation, and grammar. Using simpler sentences may help convey your ideas more effectively.
task achievement
While examples are provided, they could be more relevant and detailed. Ensure your examples directly support your main points and provide clarity to your argument.
content
You have identified important issues related to the gap in technical skills between younger and older generations, which is a relevant and timely topic. This shows good awareness of social issues.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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