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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The value that we learn from our parents and family have greater influence on our future success than knowledge and skills we learn at school. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is generally accepted that the values taught by family contribute more to individual
success
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 than the
education
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 provided by teachers in schools. I firmly agree with
this
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 statement for a variety of reasons, some of which will be addressed in
this
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 essay. One of the most compelling reasons why family plays a significant role in a child’s
success
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 is that it provides the foundational
education
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 essential for personal development. Before individuals are required to start
school
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, they already learn basic knowledge from their parents,
such
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 as languages, socialization, and understanding the surrounding environment. These lessons will linger in children’s memories and encourage them to consistently make positive choices during their journeys, which is crucial for their future.
For instance
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, a young professional striving for promotion may work hard and rely on their abilities rather than resorting to bribes,
as a result
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 of the principles instilled in them by their family.
Furthermore
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, time spent in
school
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 is limited. Most individuals spend around eight hours each day in
school
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 studying various subjects, which may prevent them from fully grasping all concepts.
That is
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 why it is crucial for parents to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their children’s
education
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 through private learning at home,
such
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 as helping them review subjects, supporting their passions, and serving as their primary support system during both challenging and joyful times.
For instance
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, many individuals attribute their career
success
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 to the unwavering support of their parents. In conclusion,
although
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 both
school
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 and family play significant influences in an individual’s
success
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, family serves as the first and foremost fundamental source of
education
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, and their support remains essential throughout every stage of youth.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear argument, consider elaborating on counterarguments to strengthen your position. This can show a more nuanced understanding of the issue.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraphs are well-structured; however, some transitions between ideas could be smoother for better flow. Consider using linking phrases to connect points more clearly.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your position and outlines the main arguments that will be discussed in the essay, which is effective.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples from personal experiences which illustrate your points well, showing good engagement with the topic.
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