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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentages of male and female students getting top grades in 1960 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The chart illustrates the proportion of male and female students
Correct pronoun usage
who achieve
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achieve
Wrong verb form
achieved
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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high grades in 1960 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen from the charts there were 5 subjects like
Science
Use synonyms
,
Arts
Use synonyms
,
Maths
Use synonyms
,
Languages
Use synonyms
 and
Humanities
Use synonyms
. It is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
Use synonyms
women
Correct word choice
that women
show examples
 were getting the highest
grate
Correct your spelling
grades
show examples
 in
languages
Use synonyms
Linking Words
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 men
while
Linking Words
 men
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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got the highest number grades
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
Humanities
Use synonyms
 than
over
Correct your spelling
other
show examples
 subjects.
Moreover
Linking Words
, males had around 32 percent in
Science
Use synonyms
, 10 per in
Arts
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, 30 per in
Maths
Use synonyms
, 20 per in
languages
Use synonyms
 and 21 per in
humanities
Use synonyms
 in the year of 1960. 19% in
science
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, 20% in
Arts
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, 15% in
Maths
Use synonyms
, 45% in
Humanities
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
women
Use synonyms
 had risen
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 10% to 11 % in
both
Use synonyms
 years in
Science
Use synonyms
, 30% and 21% in
arts
Use synonyms
 in 1960,
women
Use synonyms
 had equal grades in
both
Use synonyms
yearn
Replace the word
yearning
show examples
 for
maths
Use synonyms
.
women
Use synonyms
 had gotten a huge number in
languages
Use synonyms
 than other subjects in 1960 as followed
humanities
Use synonyms
, they got 30% in 1960
nad
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 25% in 2000.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the charts
mens
Correct your spelling
men
means
 were equal in
landuages
Correct your spelling
languages
language
 in
both
Use synonyms
 years
similary
Correct your spelling
similarly
similar
 math was
only
Correct article usage
the only
show examples
 subject that
womens
Correct your spelling
women
 got the lowest
gradest
Correct your spelling
grandest
grades
 and
also
Linking Words
 it was equal in
both
Use synonyms
 years.

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words science, arts, maths, languages, humanities, women, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • top grades
  • achievement
  • gender disparity
  • educational trends
  • academic performance
  • comparison
  • decade
  • educational policy
  • societal expectations
  • improvement
  • educational attainment
  • graduates
  • academic excellence
  • statistics
  • educational landscape
  • benchmark
  • parity
  • gender roles
  • historical data
  • performance indicators
  • educational improvements
  • longitudinal study
  • scholastic achievement
  • gender gap
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