IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

raffic on roads has become a problem in nearly every country in the world. What can be done to reduce the amount of traffic at a society level and at an individual level

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Adolescents in many
countries
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 are thought to
lack
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 the required skills and traits to be employed. Meanwhile, there is a shortage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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military services, implying that compulsory military services may be beneficial for society. I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. Compulsory military
service
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 takes away the right to choose a career, depriving opportunities for higher education.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Youngsters in Third World
Countries
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 may be exposed to danger, since the militaries aren't strictly regulated. Mandatory military
service
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 is often viewed as an opportunity to pay back the
honor
Change the spelling
honour
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for
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of
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 the country.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 act may deny a higher degree of education for some
people
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. Even though, some
countries
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 that already have
a
Remove the article
apply
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mandatory military
service
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, offer royalties for military graduates,
its
Correct your spelling
it is
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 often not enough.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
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 lose up to 3 years of their life in the army.
This
Linking Words
 may result in
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lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of opportunities for future employment.
For example
Linking Words
, there are some internships that are limited by age or require a higher degree of education. Developing
countries
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 tend to have a lower quality of life compared to developed nations.
This
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 inequality creates unbalanced circumstances.
People
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 in less developed
countries
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 may experience discriminatory behaviour, especially in military
service
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,
due to
Linking Words
 the
lack
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 of regulations. It is apparent that hazing is a phenomenon that has spread across Third World
Countries
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, older staff or
people
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of
Change preposition
in
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 higher positions may abuse their power to exploit the newcomers. In conclusion, compulsory military
service
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 is not a solution to the problem of unemployment, because of the potential loss of opportunities.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
countries
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 that are still developing,
lack
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 the required management of military
service
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, which may lead to several consequences.

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task achievement
Ensure that each point made is fully supported with examples and explanations. While your ideas are clear, some could benefit from further elaboration to enhance understanding.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the clarity of your paragraphs, making sure each one is well-structured with topic sentences that clearly indicate the main idea. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to connect ideas between sentences and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You present a clear stance on the issue, which is important for demonstrating your position in an argumentative essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main argument, reinforcing your viewpoint clearly.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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