IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impacts of aging population

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In the modern
world
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, common
life
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expectancy
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 is expanding. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss what consequences will be expected for society
as well as
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 for individual citizens. I will
also
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 propose possible solutions that could be made in order to reduce the negative effects of
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the aging
an aging
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aging
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ageing
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 population. The increase in average
life
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expectancy
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 has its undeniable benefits ,
for example
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, increased
life
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expectancy
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 means that the ecological situation in the whole
world
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 is slowly but surely remediating and so is the well-being of the
people
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.
However
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, there is a catch.
While
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 the
life
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expectancy
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 growth seems to have no minuses, there is certainly a problem hidden beneath it. Economic stagnation
,
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apply
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 and increased lifespan lead to elder
people
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 being in managing positions in companies for a long period of time which gradually deteriorates the economic growth
due to
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 them working for a lesser time period and the reluctance of giving up their position to the younger generation, refusing to retire.
This
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overall
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 worsens the social situation in the countries as rich
people
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 keep getting richer , halting the progress of
people
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 with less stable financial situations. The impact of it can be reverted by lowering the retirement age,
thus
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 preventing older
people
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 from staying in higher job positions for a long time. Another serious problem is overpopulation and as an outcome is the increase in
world
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 hunger. The increasing population will sooner or later reach earth's carrying capacity
therefore
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 there won't be any resources to meet the demands of a growing population. My proposed solution to
this
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 problem is investing in synthesizing food,
for example
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,
give
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giving
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 up using cattle for mass meat production and
switch
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switching
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 to soy protein
instead
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, which production consumes way less energy than the production of meat. To summarize, increased
life
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expectancy
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 shows how much our
world
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 has developed, meaning that
people
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 have adapted to the problems that were present in the past. These newly occurred dilemmas are just other things that
people
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 need to adapt to.
Thus
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 humanity will continue to thrive

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, try to ensure that each paragraph clearly relates back to the main topic and thesis statement. Clarifying the transition between points can enhance overall logical flow.
task achievement
While you present some important points, ensure to provide more extensive, relevant examples to support your arguments better. Each point made should be backed by specific examples to strengthen your case.
grammar and language use
Be mindful of grammatical structures and wording. Some sentences could be more concise. Aim for clearer, more direct language to communicate your ideas effectively.
task achievement
You clearly outline the issues related to increasing life expectancy and provide potential solutions, demonstrating critical thinking and analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay benefits from a logical progression of ideas, with each paragraph focusing on a distinct aspect of the topic.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • life expectancy
  • developed world
  • problems
  • individuals
  • society
  • measures
  • aging population
  • burden
  • healthcare systems
  • cost
  • social security
  • pension system
  • shortage
  • healthcare professionals
  • elderly care facilities
  • pressure
  • social services
  • workforce productivity
  • retirement age
  • healthy lifestyle
  • preventive healthcare
  • intergenerational programs
  • community support
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