Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished the same way as adults. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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There is debate over do
children
Use synonyms
deserve to be punished on a par with adults,
while
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one type of people claim that it’s
good
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a good
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idea. Personally,
i
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I
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reckon that
this
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view has flaws. In the first place,
in
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to
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some
extent
Add a comma
extent,
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people who agree with
this
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opinion,
definitely
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are definitely
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right because if they
will
Verb problem
apply
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suffer as adults, they will already have
understanding
Correct article usage
an understanding
show examples
, they will be mature faster and in the future the probability that
this
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will happen again is very low. There are many cases where
this
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works,
children
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who received long sentences understand everything faster and change for the better. In
second
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the second
show examples
place,
children
Use synonyms
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
young
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
realize their
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
, in some cases life circumstances make
children
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do terrible things, some are influenced by
family
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the family
show examples
situation
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situations
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,
who
Correct word choice
and
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have no other choice and are forced to do illegal things. These are simply
children
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who did not have a childhood, and to fix
this
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, it is better not to put them in prison, but to give them a lot of physical exercise and improve their situation in the family. In conclusion,
children
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deserve punishment but more under physical pressure, so they will better understand their
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
and will not repeat
such
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actions in the future.

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Task Achievement
The introduction could be clearer and more directly state your opinion on the topic. A stronger thesis statement would help guide the reader.
Task Achievement
Try to provide more concrete examples or evidence to support your points. This would strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure a smoother flow of ideas between paragraphs. Using linking words or phrases can help guide the reader and enhance coherence.
Coherence and Cohesion
Avoid vague expressions like 'in some extent' or 'definitely right'; instead, try to be more precise and clear in your arguments.
Task Achievement
You expressed a clear opinion in your response, which is essential in an argumentative essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your argument considers multiple perspectives, which enhances the depth of your analysis.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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